2009 The Year In Review

What a fantastic year it has been! 

In January we had the immortal quote from our Outraged Reader: “NATIONALIZE THE BASTARD BANKS!’  Of course this was ignored by grown ups with suits in the hope that everyone would forget about the whole thing and, in large part, everyone did.

In February we had the world exclusive on the last letters of Col. Trevelyan Makeshift-Bastion, a similarly exclusive report of Pope Dancing Foxtrot With Celebrity Fascist long before celebrity fascism had even become popular and some assorted ruminations on Ponzi Schemes.

March brought with it wind and rain and disturbing movements on the Hedgeer Hemlien Index, fantastic St. Patrick’s Day frolics, and the news of AIG for Sale.

April was indeed the cruellest month and The Definitive Indefinite Article took to heart the advices of Ludvig Wittgenstein: “Whereof we cannot speak reasonably, we must pass over in silence.”  Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, 7

May we heralded in in time-honored fashion with a stirring rendition of the Internationale, the introduction of Twiterature and its Spanish language version Twiteratura.

June brought us my own mysterious disappearance, Hedgeer Hemlien acquiring Bigote of Barcelona, Bloomsday, the birth of Twiterary Cwiticism and the  launch of ipuke, the app that makes your phone throw up all over itself at night.

July was a slow month with wi fi in Dublin taxis bringing the death of obscurantist conversation and the French Foreign Legion setting fire to Marseilles.

August saw the end of reader-generated content and the rebranding of AIG as CHARTIS

September was a mixed bag of little note.

October saw  Dublin being the real winner in the Olympic bidding process.

November saw the Definitive Indefinite Article branch out into plagiarism, the Thierry Henry Sportsman of the Year/Decade debacle and its associated vinicultural fallout.

December delivered itself of TD Paul Gogarty shouting “Fuck You” at Emmet Stagg in Dáil Éireann, the continuing decease of Samuel Beckett , The Mire’s Year in Review and (the ultimate, the ne plus pas ultra in self-referentiality) the Definitive Indefinite Article Year in Review.

Here’s to another year of pharmaceutical auto bots misguidedly leaving links trying to sell Celexa to the residents of  St. Loman’s Home for Retired, Decrepit and Indigent Blog Taglines and their Relicts. Now pin your ears back, ignore the bad 70’s clothes and enjoy (email subscribers please do not all visit the site at once or you will crash it):

 

Paul Gogarty Wins Statesman of the Decade

In a bizarre turn of events, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Cuffe Street), the mostly Thomist rival to the Cartesian Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) and best known for awarding its Sportsman of the Decade award to Thierry Henry, has awarded Green Party Deputy Paul Gogarty its Sportsman of the Decade award.
.
Spokesperson Terence Scully of the Order said: “It was fucking deadly the way he just told that specky four-eyed bollix Fuck You. I never seen a TD on the telly do the like of that before.”

 
When asked about the rumor that Mr. Gogarty had only been chosen after the Tiger Woods scandal broke, Mr. Scully retorted:  “Golf isn’t politics! Sure it isn’t even a real fucking sport!”

 

Le Magyar Nouveau est arrivé!

TDIA is gutted to announce that it will not be doing its usual Beaujolais Nouveau tastings this year.  Irish people and partisans of the Aungier Street and Cuffee Street factions across the globe have been celebrating exclusively with Beaujolais nouveau since Thierry Henry won both the coveted Order of the Shiny Tracksuits Sportsman of the Year Award (Aungier Street) and the less coveted but nonetheless prestigious Order of the Shiny Tracksuits Sportsman of the Decade Award (Cuffe Street) for his exemplary showing in the France vs Ireland World Cup qualifier match.  

So we are instead we are doing what many others are and turning out eyes Hungaryward thanks to the pointers of our in-house sommelier Dr. Pol De Paor.

http://www.bluedanubewine.com/wines/hungary/

 

Thierry Henry wins Sportsman of the Decade and Sparks Sectarian War

In a shocking new twist to the Thierry Henry handball conroversy, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Cuffe  Street), the mostly Thomist rival to the Cartesian Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) has awarded Thierry Henry its Sportsman of the Decade award.  Said Damien Scully, a spokesman for the Cuffe Street branch: “We think that the Aungier Street award was really a back-handed insult.  An achievement like Henry’s only comes along maybe once in a lifetime andshould be honoured lke that.  There is no sign of the FAI honouring him any time soon,” he added in reference to the Football Association of Ireland’s puzzling stance on the controversy.

 

Thierry Henry Wins Sportsman of the Year TWICE!

TDIA: In honour of this fantastic double-handball we are posting this twice.

AN EXCLUSIVE REPORT FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER THE SPORTING READER

For this fantastic display of sportsmanship, integrity, honesty and sheer Tai Chi-like fluidity of hand movement, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) awarded its Sportsman of the Year award to Thierry Henry.  The award comes with a full year’s subscription to Cheating Bollocks magazine and a large bronze plaque that says “Ta mere!”

At least by this “leger de main” if you will, the world was spared the embarrassing spectacle of FIFI President Sepp Blatter walking onto the field to hand the referee an envelope stuffed with Euros to make sure that France qualified at all costs as many feared would happen when the game went into extra time.  Why FIFA (Federation for the Insertion of France into Africa) would be prepared to go to such extremes to get this mediocre team to South Africa is anyone’s guess.  Cynics might say it is all about TV rights but we all know it is all for the sport, right?

 

Thierry Henry Wins Sportsman of the Year

AN EXCLUSIVE REPORT FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER THE SPORTING READER

For this fantastic display of sportsmanship, integrity, honesty and sheer Tai Chi-like fluidity of hand movement, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) awarded its Sportsman of the Year award to Thierry Henry.  The award comes with a full year’s subscription to Cheating Bollocks magazine and a large bronze plaque that says “Ta mere!”

At least by this “leger de main” if you will, the world was spared the embarrassing spectacle of FIFI President Sepp Blatter walking onto the field to hand the referee an envelope stuffed with Euros to make sure that France qualified at all costs as many feared would happen when the game went into extra time.  Why FIFA (Federation for the Insertion of France into Africa) would be prepared to go to such extremes to get this mediocre team to South Africa is anyone’s guess.  Cynics might say it is all about TV rights but we all know it is all for the sport, right?

 

World Cup Training – Early Booking Recommended

Many of you, well the dozen or so of you who were here when we launched the erstwhile Indefinite Article (if you want to read about the ugliness with The Indefinite Particle you can click here), will remember our fantastically famous and successful Olympic Training Regimen.

The Inquisitive Reader: What are you offering this time?  More lessons on how to smoke cigarettes? 

TDIA: No, no, no.  This time we will going into partnership with  The Instituto De Mascotas Jorobadas in Cadiz to help players prepare for the trauma of photo ops with out-of-work actors wearing stifling leopard suits.

The Inquisitive Reader: That’s it?

TDIA: Well, that and how to put up with the continuous noise of annoying plastic horns.

The Inquisitive Reader: I see.  And how do you propose to do this?

TDIA: Intensive  Patrick’s Day festival exposure in Dublin next year.

The Inquisitive Reader: And the trumpets?

TDIA: Have you ever been to Dublin for Patrick’s Day?

The Inquisitive Reader: I have not.

TDIA: I rest my case.

 

New Olympic Events – Where’s the Safest Place to Stand?

Some of you may remember our secret climatologically enhanced Olympic training facility in south Florida.  When last we heard all was going swimmingly in the hands of our able operatives Meyers and Harrison. 

Well, I have just received an urgent communiqué from them and would like to poll our readership (cheaper than hiring a consultant; easier than thinking about it ourselves) as this involves something of a moral dilemma.

Should The Indefinite Article Consulting Group, a hardly-owned subsidiary of The Indefinite Article provide additional training to the athletes of the country that persists in insisting on continuing to remain nameless in the following events?

1500m Crowded Square Tank Steeplechase

4 x 100 Protester Rubber Bullet relay 

To vote no, click here.

To vote yes, click here.