Dream Job

 In the spirit of synergy and do-more-dynamically-with-dramatically less the Cliff Experience Reception Experience will be (I am informed) synergizing and dovetailing with some other Definitive Indefinite Article properties.  Sure it is like one of those media mergers here.  I can’t keep track of it at all!

 Anyway, apparently I am getting an intern, which is just as well cos no one seems to want the fecking job.  Seems there is a Free-Intern-Included thing with the solar panels I got a while back.  (Shoulda known there’d be a catch!) Some young wan or young fellah called Cidney.  Coming all the way over from America it seems to do an internship in Public Relations with the Cliff Experience Reception Experience.  I just googled Cidney on Ambrose’s phone and it seems she is a young wan who used to be in some blog folleyer upper or something called the Hamptons Houseshare Hell.  I can’t imagine what she would want to be doing away out here handing out flyers for dolphins on an unpaid internship of the summer.  I don’t know how this is going to turn out but she is supposed to be here this weekend.  I suppose she can doss down in one of the unfinished holiday homes with Ambrose for the time being.

The Cliff Experience Reception Experience (Disruptive Innovation in the Prefab Hut Space)

So after like forever? there is some lawyer stuff? goes on? and the Federal case? is kind like not over? but done? and we are all officially defenestrated? or whatever? but I can’t ever talk about it? and anyway it is so boring? and when I get my phone back? first text I open? Madison is having a holiday? reunion? party? so first we all go to Soulcycle together? and it is kind of fun? but gets a little weird? when Thorin? turns up? and has no sports clothes? and borrows Stanstead’s? extra pair of yoga pants? and Brock? and Radcliffe? are instagramming everything? and then Brock? starts instagramming Radcliffe’s instagrams? and she throws her phone at him? and it breaks? and she is so freaked out? that she has look for a phone store? to fix it? And Brock goes with her? and then we all and do shots? at Mixocologie? and then all get tattoos? and then go back to the loft? that Madison’s folks? use whenever they come into the city? for a show? or stuff? and there are lots of other people there? and stuff? and like it’s a bit awkward? there are like these people? who work with people? who are like the people? who take the FERRY? to Martha’s Vineyard? and Jostlin? is now dating this girl Grendell? and they are both? like wearing? Men’s Warehouse suits? and smoking these skinny little purple cigarettes? with gold filters on them? and pretending to talk French? and Meaghghean? and Cidney? are trying to make egg nog? with Cointreau? and Miller Lite? and then Jericho Template arrive? and start playing? and short out the electrics? and Madison loses it? and is all like? my parents are going to kill me? and kicks us all out? and I get stuck in the elevator? with Jostlin, Grendell, Taffte and Nixxon? and Nixxon starts to hyperventilate? so Grendell gets her to sing Feed the World? over and over for three hours? until the firemen come? to let us out and when I get home? my mother is waiting in the lobby of my building? cos her new DJ boyfriend? is doing some gig in Antigua? for the holidays? and she lost her keys? so she will be staying with me? so we are going to binge watch? all of Buffy ever? for the holidays?

Better fun thatn Wii

Instagram?  Moi?

so like I am totally? on jury duty? for this huge Federal case? and am not even supposed to be online? and we are all sequestered? in this hotel which? is kind of awesome? but I have no idea? when I wail get done? so Madison’s cousin? Brock’s girlfriend? Radcliffe? is taking my weekends? until I am done? so that should be fun? cos Brock? and Radcliffe? are going to instagram? every moment? of every weekend? as part of their PhD’s? in Communications?

so like the bass player? from Jericho Turnpike? comes over? with Taffte? after the gig? with a big hookah? and he fires up the hookah? and he says his name is Photon? and Thorin? starts giggling? so hard? that he swallows some part of his sunglasses? and when he calls for help? he sounds like like Elmo? and it is so totally hilarious? until he goes blue? and then Nixxon? gives Thorin? the Heimlich maneuver? and he is OK? and Photon nods? and just says karma? don’t mock the name again? and McKinley? gets all ? Wait your name is Photon? or Karma? and all like Oooooo these aren’t the droids you’re looking for? and then she starts having some kind of weird mini stroke? and Photon? just folds his arms? and says anyone else wanna make fun of the name? and then we are like totally creeped out by him? and everyone goes to bed? and on Sunday? Taffte says she tried to break up with him? on Saturday night? but as soon as she started saying stuff? her throat started to get all dry? and she couldn’t breathe right? and then Thorin? says Enough? and goes upstairs and opens the curtains? and Photon screams? and turns to dust? and then I wake up? and I am still on the deck? and Thorin? and Photon? are firing up the hookah again? and I know I need to totally go lie down?

Caution!  Bishop at Work!

Dude!  This stuff has no effect at all!

And that whole weird

thing? with Taffte? and Nixxon? and Photon?  the bass player guy? and the hookah?

I can’t?

I just can’t?

I can’t even?

I just can’t even?

Hedgeer Hemlien Private Equity Investment Consulting - Futurizing tomorrow Now!

In association with: Hedgeer Hemlien Private Equity Investment Consulting – Futurizing Tomorrow Today!

So? the one weekend? I don’t go to the beach? cos I have to go to Boston? for my grandmother’s 99th birthday? (and my mother? makes a complete mess? facetiming? from her writing retreat? in Catalonia?) interesting stuff happens? and I arrive out of Friday night? to find that Taffte? is dating the bass player? in Jericho Template? who play at Mizen 380? on Saturdays? and can’t stop trying to make everyone listen to them? on her phone? until Megghhghennn? gets all: they are just a Psychedelic Furs ripoff? how could you date someone that derivative? and we are all like what? and stuff? and McKinley? is all like? she has an MFA or something? in post punk cultural studies? from Princeton? and Taffte? is all like screw you? and your academic bullshit? but at least she stops making us listen to Jericho Template? which is a BIG relief? cos they suck so bad? And Campbell? texts me? all “awesome! thanks so much? moving to Napa? see ya never?” with a link and it’s Seeley Mildew? in a tutu? pissing on some penthouse floor? playing Born In The USA on a kazoo? and it has 88 million hits? and we all play this drinking game? with Thorin? and whoever loses? has to say Hedgeer Hemlien Preferred Equity Inverted Value Futures? ®*** while standing on one leg? and holding their nose? and it is all fun? until Nixxon passes out? and falls in the pool? but Jostlin gets her out? and it is all ok? sort of?

***Publisher’s note: See! We warned you about the product placement. Wouldn’t you have preferred an ad-free paywall?

Hedgeer Hemlien Private Equity - Futurizing tomorrow Now!

Hedgeer Hemlien Private Equity – Futurizing Tomorrow Today!

So like on Friday? I am on the train? and I am brushing my hair? and this lady? beside me? is all like? look honey? you probably don’t have head lice? but I don’t want whatever you do have in your hair? all over me so can you stop that? it is disgusting? and I am like so totally? so can’t? and like when I get to the house? Meggghenn? and Rutherford? and Tafte? are playing beer pong? and vaping? and are all like? it’s cherry brandy and cinnamon? don’t you just love it? and Stanstead? brought his cat? for the weekend? and it’s called Arbitrage? and keeps clawing its own fur off?  and terrorizing Ariel? and Jostlin is all freaked out? and this new guy? Thorin Sneesgaard? turns up and he is like totally wearing these $20 rest stop fake Ray Bans? and some kind of lame brand polo shirt? and apparently his boss now owns the house? but we can all still keep our shares? but he gets a share now? and he drones on and on? about his misunderstood novel? “Is This Anyone’s Toast?” and how he is forced to work for this private equity firm? because the world is full of philistines? and Tafte is all like?  oh wait?is that the one that is 900 pages? about a guy in an apartment share? in some Scandinavian place? trying to find out who left a piece of toast in the sink?  I saw that online for 22 cents? but I didn’t buy it? and he stares at her? and then gets in the pool? and stays underwater? for so long? that we all think he is drowned? until eventually he gets out? and tells Tafte? that at her age? she should look into debit reinsurance? and he can put her in touch with someone? if she is interested?**

**Publisher’s note: Despite rumors that have been circulating recently, Hampton’s Houseshare Hell was saved from having to live behind a paywall by a generous contribution from Hedgeer Hemlien Private Equity Group.  The only downside is the introduction of this new character (and possibly others) who will, from time to time, evangelize Private Equity investment vehicles