martello tower sandycoveLoyal readers, it is time for our annual installment of Bloomsday Twiterature, our massive 10,000-year-long project of  one tweet-length installment of Ulysses each year.  The story so far:

STATELY, PLUMP BUCK MULLIGAN CAME FROM THE STAIRHEAD, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing gown, ungirdled, was sustained gently-behind him by the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:

— Introibo ad altare Dei.

Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called up coarsely:

— Come up, Kinch. Come up, you fearful jesuit.

Solemnly he came forward and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding country and the awaking mountains. Then, ca

The Loyal Reader: Now you’re cooking with gas!  We are really starting to motor!  But tell us this, it is only Friday…

You are correct it is indeed only Friday but past experience has shown that the vast majority of our readers visit us during the workday.  I am sure their weekends are all too crowded with camogie and handball and fixing gutters and picking up the mother from Dunne’s to be visiting the web.

The Loyal Reader: That seems plausible.  I am reminded of advice I have been in the habit of offering at this time of year which is to include at least one gratuitous reference to spandex bikinis to attract new punters.

Will do.  Anyway, without further ado, here is our 2013 Bloomsday Twiterature offering wherein we finally catch sight of the bauld Stephen Daedalus:

tching sight of Stephen Dedalus, he bent towards him and made rapid crosses in the air, gurgling in his throat and shaking his head. Stephen

The Loyal Reader: Ah that’s lovely.  There’s eating and drinking in that.  That’ll keep me going for a while.  See you next year.

Well if you are still in need of more, you can alwasy swing by Ullyses of Stone Street in New York City on Sunday afternoon between 2 and 4 and there will be a great crew reading bits of Ulysses aloud into the sunshine.

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As they say in the worlds of merchandising and TV rights negotiations: It’s the Bountiful Game!

Is your sporting event becoming tainted by crass commercialization, widespread cynicism about how host nations are decided, TV rights negotiated etc etc?  Have no fear!  All you need is an innocent-looking forgettable cartoonish mascot to be the mirror to the smoke of the corporate PR.. 

Please move towards the side exit!

Please move towards the side exit!

Anyone remember Wenlock and Mandeville?   Naranjito?  Ciao?  Kaz, Ato and Nik? Of course not!  And so the World Cup in Brazil 2014 has come up with another masterful mascot of merchandising:  Fuleco! 

The name is apparently “a fusion of the words ‘futebol’ and ‘ecologia.’” Curious that it is also an anagram for Fuel Co.  How one calculates the ecological effect of the manufacture, sale and subsequent discarding of all the cheap tat emblazoned with the mascot is presumably a very arcane branch of statistical analysis in dire need of corporate funding.

This too is notable: “The three-month public voting campaign, supported by FIFA Partner Coca-Cola, proved to be popular as the Brazilian public came out in force to cast their votes. More than 48 per cent voted for Fuleco™, ahead of Zuzeco (31 per cent) and Amijubi (21 per cent), making it the unanimous winner.” 

Cartoon lizard-like thingy brought to you for fun and profit by enormous business concerns.  Enjoy!

 OK so the story so far:

Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressinggown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:

—Introibo ad altare Dei.

Halted, he peered down the dark winding stairs and called out coarsely:

—Come up, Kinch! Come up, you fearful jesuit!

Solemnly he came forward and

You’ll see we left you last year with a bit of a cliff-hanger which we are happy to resolve this year so here it is in simlcast with twitter:

and mounted the round gunrest. He faced about and blessed gravely thrice the tower, the surrounding land and the awaking mountains. Then, ca 

The Loyal Reader: And that’s it then?

It is.

The Loyal Reader: And you’re doing it a day early?

Our research has shown 88% of your audience only ever views this page while at work.

The Loyal Reader: Ah, fair enough.  Don’t forget the gratuitous reference to the spandex bikini to draw the punters.  Right I’m off.!

Are you not staying around for the discussion?

The Loyal Reader: There’s a football game on somewhere.   Sad display yesterday – a rough encounter with the rows of cast steel you might say – but the singing was lovely.

Olé! Olé! Olé! Olé!

Olé!

Olé!

On the fields ot Athenry

[CTRL+Q Exit singing]

The Loyal Reader: Hello?  Anyone home?

[sound of Powers Gold Label bottle being hastily concealed offscreen]

The Definitive Indefinite Article: You again?  What is it?  What is it?  I’m busy trying to flog some of this jubilee tat I imported.  Sunhats!  Sunhats!

The Loyal Reader: Coulda warned you that wasn’t going to work.  Anyway was just making plans and was wondering if you will be doing the aul twiterature for Bloomsday.  It was really picking up speed last year.

TDIA: I will I will.  It’s not like I’m being invited to read Oxen of the Sun at the White House or anything!

The Loyal Reader: Ah right.  Well I don’t think anyone is being invited to the White House to read so I wouldn’t worry about that.  So will it be on twitter too?

TDIA: It will.  Yer man Holohan will be blasting it to round webs imagined corners and beyond.

The Loyal Reader: Ah grand so.  I’d suggest making a gratuitous reference to a spandex bikini or somesuch to drive web traffic but it’s entirely up to you.  I’d better go.  I have a days off form I have to submit. [ALT + TAB. EXIT]

Due to drastic cutbacks at The Definitive Indefinite Article broadcasting on this channel is temporarily suspended and all our resources will be concentrated on our sistership over beyond at The Brothers’ Lot.  Please follow the link.

http://thebrotherslot.wordpress.com/

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

The Earnest Reader: Is it that time of year already?

TDIA: What?  Why do you people keep wandering in here and bothering me?  What time of year?

The Earnest Reader:  Bloomsday.

TDIA: Already?

The Earnest Reader: Exactly what I was saying.  So?

TDIA: So?  What?

The Earnest Reader: Will there be Twiterature this year.

TDIA: Eh yeah sure. Was just a bit distracted lamenting the bloom coming off the rows of cast steel in the world Cup.  Eh here you are:, Picking up from where we left off last year comes this year’s twiterature installment of Ulysses:

gown, ungirdled, was sustained gently behind him on the mild morning air. He held the bowl aloft and intoned:–_Introibo ad altare Dei_.  Ha

The Earnest Reader: Ah, that’s fabulous?  do ye count spaces.

TDIA: We do.  Why.

The Earnest Reader: Just figuring.

TDIA: What?

The Earnest Reader: Well at this rate it’ll take another 10,628 years to do the whole thing.  See ye next year.

It has come as a complete surprise to The Management to discover that The Definitive Indefinite Article has been funding its existence on the basis of Interstitial Debit Default Futures, a hedged bet against toxic assets being bought by taxpayers, a derivative so toxic not even AIG or Citibank would touch it.  While we fight off the myriad hostile takeovers and asset-stripping ravenous investment bankers  hammering at our doors we leave you to ponder this:

If politics is the last resort of the scoundrel, what does that mean lobbying is when that is the place politicians go after their political “careers” are washed up?  Where sociopaths go to feel part of a “community”?

We hope to resume normal service after some deep consultation with our lawyers Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitzi, Spaider, LLC..