AIG Chartis AIG Again!

AIG Chartis AIG Again!

Well, well would you look at who’s back?  Some of our more retentive readers may recall when AIG as suddenly re-emergd as Chartis.  See Here.

It looks like some re-rebranding has taken place.  Wouldn’t you love to see the minutes of that meeting?  Well, now that the entity formerly known as Chartis and prior to that known as AIG is now AIG again, we can all rest easy and perhaps expect Philip Morris to crawl back out from under Altria or whatever their nondescript umbrella monicker was.

Looks like this may have happened at some pont during the storm and the flooding.  They should really have held on to the old sign instead of all this improvident splashing out on a whole new A, I and G but maybe they hve a little money to spare and permitted themselves this small extravagance.   Ah well, you know now where to go for your Christmas re-insurance needs.

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Small Investors thank Hedge Fund Runners

You will probably have a hard time remembering Jai-Alai 3Card Monty Bourse Bigote de Barcelona.   (A quick search of this locus for Jai alai will quickly refresh your memory).  Their financial wizardry landed them in regulatory difficulties and they took many of their boutique financial instruments such as their Poverty Deflate Swaps off the market.

During the recent socialist, liberal, effete, elitist witch-hunt Jai-Ala had been quietly working behnd the scenes through its political foundations, pouring millions into the election campaigns of willing and compliant “politicians” who will now create a more hopspitable environment for the kind of go-getting entrepreneurship that made Jai-Alai 3Card Monty Bourse de Barcelona the giant it once was.

Stand by for the launch of Real Income Erosion Futures and  Class-based Asset Class Repurchase Bonds as soon as the richest 2% are relieved of the heinous burden of having to pay their own electric bills.

 
 
 

Busy graphs help rattle punters

Should You Be Buying Stocks or Commodities Right Now?

If you have a portfolio of $250,000. you should download the current report by Jai-Alai 3-Card Monty Bourse de Barcelona Chief Economist Antxon Iturribaldi  where he will tell you where the market is going.  In return for this throwaway report, Jai-Alai 3-Card Monty Bourse de Barcelana will, by virtue of you clicking here, gain invaluable informations about you that we can then sell to Consolidated Mountaintop Removal Data Mines Inc.

Click here to download your report.

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THIS is who controls the world economy.

After a busy Friday of panic selling the Lemmings have returned to the trading floors, this time in their other mode: frenzied buying.   A spokesvole for Goldbag Sacks said: “Since the 2008 credit crisis, we have let most of our traders go and replaced them with Smart Phone savvy lemmings.   Most senior management positions are now occupied by voles or muskrats.  The ROI has been extraordinary.   Initially we were concerned that we might lose some of the nuance that human traders brought to the market but we are confident that the lemmings can outdo human traders in both panic selling and frenzied buying, the two most popular market strategies today.

The Hedgeer Hemlein Index hit an all time high of 18,122.84 on the news that the European Central Bank was going to throw money at every lemming it could find.

Now called CHARTIS

Could this Chartis (formerly AIG) building really be the largest tax-funded grow house in the world?  Is that what all the glass is for?  Is the greenery visible on the right of this photo real?  Is this what they smoke before they issue statements to the press?   Is this what they were smoking when they came up with “Chartis?”  Is weed cultivation a more socially-responsible use of tax dollars that the reinsurance business?  Does a series of rhetorical questions assert anything?

It has come as a complete surprise to The Management to discover that The Definitive Indefinite Article has been funding its existence on the basis of Interstitial Debit Default Futures, a hedged bet against toxic assets being bought by taxpayers, a derivative so toxic not even AIG or Citibank would touch it.  While we fight off the myriad hostile takeovers and asset-stripping ravenous investment bankers  hammering at our doors we leave you to ponder this:

If politics is the last resort of the scoundrel, what does that mean lobbying is when that is the place politicians go after their political “careers” are washed up?  Where sociopaths go to feel part of a “community”?

We hope to resume normal service after some deep consultation with our lawyers Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitzi, Spaider, LLC..

What a fantastic year it has been! 

In January we had the immortal quote from our Outraged Reader: “NATIONALIZE THE BASTARD BANKS!’  Of course this was ignored by grown ups with suits in the hope that everyone would forget about the whole thing and, in large part, everyone did.

In February we had the world exclusive on the last letters of Col. Trevelyan Makeshift-Bastion, a similarly exclusive report of Pope Dancing Foxtrot With Celebrity Fascist long before celebrity fascism had even become popular and some assorted ruminations on Ponzi Schemes.

March brought with it wind and rain and disturbing movements on the Hedgeer Hemlien Index, fantastic St. Patrick’s Day frolics, and the news of AIG for Sale.

April was indeed the cruellest month and The Definitive Indefinite Article took to heart the advices of Ludvig Wittgenstein: “Whereof we cannot speak reasonably, we must pass over in silence.”  Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, 7

May we heralded in in time-honored fashion with a stirring rendition of the Internationale, the introduction of Twiterature and its Spanish language version Twiteratura.

June brought us my own mysterious disappearance, Hedgeer Hemlien acquiring Bigote of Barcelona, Bloomsday, the birth of Twiterary Cwiticism and the  launch of ipuke, the app that makes your phone throw up all over itself at night.

July was a slow month with wi fi in Dublin taxis bringing the death of obscurantist conversation and the French Foreign Legion setting fire to Marseilles.

August saw the end of reader-generated content and the rebranding of AIG as CHARTIS

September was a mixed bag of little note.

October saw  Dublin being the real winner in the Olympic bidding process.

November saw the Definitive Indefinite Article branch out into plagiarism, the Thierry Henry Sportsman of the Year/Decade debacle and its associated vinicultural fallout.

December delivered itself of TD Paul Gogarty shouting “Fuck You” at Emmet Stagg in Dáil Éireann, the continuing decease of Samuel Beckett , The Mire’s Year in Review and (the ultimate, the ne plus pas ultra in self-referentiality) the Definitive Indefinite Article Year in Review.

Here’s to another year of pharmaceutical auto bots misguidedly leaving links trying to sell Celexa to the residents of  St. Loman’s Home for Retired, Decrepit and Indigent Blog Taglines and their Relicts. Now pin your ears back, ignore the bad 70’s clothes and enjoy (email subscribers please do not all visit the site at once or you will crash it):