It has come as a complete surprise to The Management to discover that The Definitive Indefinite Article has been funding its existence on the basis of Interstitial Debit Default Futures, a hedged bet against toxic assets being bought by taxpayers, a derivative so toxic not even AIG or Citibank would touch it.  While we fight off the myriad hostile takeovers and asset-stripping ravenous investment bankers  hammering at our doors we leave you to ponder this:

If politics is the last resort of the scoundrel, what does that mean lobbying is when that is the place politicians go after their political “careers” are washed up?  Where sociopaths go to feel part of a “community”?

We hope to resume normal service after some deep consultation with our lawyers Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitzi, Spaider, LLC..

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What a fantastic year it has been! 

In January we had the immortal quote from our Outraged Reader: “NATIONALIZE THE BASTARD BANKS!’  Of course this was ignored by grown ups with suits in the hope that everyone would forget about the whole thing and, in large part, everyone did.

In February we had the world exclusive on the last letters of Col. Trevelyan Makeshift-Bastion, a similarly exclusive report of Pope Dancing Foxtrot With Celebrity Fascist long before celebrity fascism had even become popular and some assorted ruminations on Ponzi Schemes.

March brought with it wind and rain and disturbing movements on the Hedgeer Hemlien Index, fantastic St. Patrick’s Day frolics, and the news of AIG for Sale.

April was indeed the cruellest month and The Definitive Indefinite Article took to heart the advices of Ludvig Wittgenstein: “Whereof we cannot speak reasonably, we must pass over in silence.”  Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, 7

May we heralded in in time-honored fashion with a stirring rendition of the Internationale, the introduction of Twiterature and its Spanish language version Twiteratura.

June brought us my own mysterious disappearance, Hedgeer Hemlien acquiring Bigote of Barcelona, Bloomsday, the birth of Twiterary Cwiticism and the  launch of ipuke, the app that makes your phone throw up all over itself at night.

July was a slow month with wi fi in Dublin taxis bringing the death of obscurantist conversation and the French Foreign Legion setting fire to Marseilles.

August saw the end of reader-generated content and the rebranding of AIG as CHARTIS

September was a mixed bag of little note.

October saw  Dublin being the real winner in the Olympic bidding process.

November saw the Definitive Indefinite Article branch out into plagiarism, the Thierry Henry Sportsman of the Year/Decade debacle and its associated vinicultural fallout.

December delivered itself of TD Paul Gogarty shouting “Fuck You” at Emmet Stagg in Dáil Éireann, the continuing decease of Samuel Beckett , The Mire’s Year in Review and (the ultimate, the ne plus pas ultra in self-referentiality) the Definitive Indefinite Article Year in Review.

Here’s to another year of pharmaceutical auto bots misguidedly leaving links trying to sell Celexa to the residents of  St. Loman’s Home for Retired, Decrepit and Indigent Blog Taglines and their Relicts. Now pin your ears back, ignore the bad 70’s clothes and enjoy (email subscribers please do not all visit the site at once or you will crash it):

The Definitive Indefinite Article has agreed sale of the giant silver letters “A”  “I” and “G” to Jai-Alai 3Card Monty LLC.  The letters will be used for the headquarters of Jai-Alai’s new Private Public Partnership, IGA, Insatiable Global Acquisitiveness. 

The Concerned Reader:  And what, may we ask will IGA be doing?  Exporting spandex bikinis to Patagonia? 

TDIA: They will be buying legacy assets for Jai-Alai in a… 

The Concerned Reader: …Legacy Assets!  Legacy my arse!  You mean toxic worthless securitized mortgages that no one would touch with a 40-foot pole, don’t you? 

TDIA: Let’s not quibble over semantics.  Anyway, IGA will purchase legacy assets from Jai Alai to render jai-Alai once again an exemplar of solvent investing and a pillar of the financial industry.

The Concerned Reader: With what will IGA be buying these worthless “legacy” assets?

TDIA: With loans from the government and the FDIC.

The Concerned Reader: And then…?

TDIA: It they turn out to be worth something GIA can sell them and pay the government back and if they turn out to be worthless then GIA never pays back the loan.

The Concerned Reader:  Are you making this crap up?

TDIA: Sadly not.  This is what the grown ups are saying.

The Concerned Reader:  You just made my May Day.  [Sings]

Arise ye starvelings from your slumbers

Arise ye criminals of want

For reason in revolt now thunders

and at last ends the age of cant.

Now away with all your superstitions

Servile masses arise, arise!

We’ll change forthwith the old conditions

And spurn the dust to win the prize.

 

Then come comrades rally

And the last fight let us face

The Internationale

Unites the human race.