Dream Job

Nothing but Seanad election stuff in the post.  That reminds me though, I didn’t get my quarterly statement for The Cliff Experience Reception Experience Icarus Trust.  I rang Hedgeer Hemlien and got a recorded message saying to ring some fella at Mollusk Fonseca.  Sure I don’t even know the country code for Panama

The Cliff Experience Reception Experience (Disruptive Innovation and Cutting-edge Banality in the Prefab Hut Space)


As they say in the worlds of merchandising and TV rights negotiations: It’s the Bountiful Game!

Is your sporting event becoming tainted by crass commercialization, widespread cynicism about how host nations are decided, TV rights negotiated etc etc?  Have no fear!  All you need is an innocent-looking forgettable cartoonish mascot to be the mirror to the smoke of the corporate PR.. 

Please move towards the side exit!

Please move towards the side exit!

Anyone remember Wenlock and Mandeville?   Naranjito?  Ciao?  Kaz, Ato and Nik? Of course not!  And so the World Cup in Brazil 2014 has come up with another masterful mascot of merchandising:  Fuleco! 

The name is apparently “a fusion of the words ‘futebol’ and ‘ecologia.’” Curious that it is also an anagram for Fuel Co.  How one calculates the ecological effect of the manufacture, sale and subsequent discarding of all the cheap tat emblazoned with the mascot is presumably a very arcane branch of statistical analysis in dire need of corporate funding.

This too is notable: “The three-month public voting campaign, supported by FIFA Partner Coca-Cola, proved to be popular as the Brazilian public came out in force to cast their votes. More than 48 per cent voted for Fuleco™, ahead of Zuzeco (31 per cent) and Amijubi (21 per cent), making it the unanimous winner.” 

Cartoon lizard-like thingy brought to you for fun and profit by enormous business concerns.  Enjoy!

AIG Chartis AIG Again!

AIG Chartis AIG Again!

Well, well would you look at who’s back?  Some of our more retentive readers may recall when AIG as suddenly re-emergd as Chartis.  See Here.

It looks like some re-rebranding has taken place.  Wouldn’t you love to see the minutes of that meeting?  Well, now that the entity formerly known as Chartis and prior to that known as AIG is now AIG again, we can all rest easy and perhaps expect Philip Morris to crawl back out from under Altria or whatever their nondescript umbrella monicker was.

Looks like this may have happened at some pont during the storm and the flooding.  They should really have held on to the old sign instead of all this improvident splashing out on a whole new A, I and G but maybe they hve a little money to spare and permitted themselves this small extravagance.   Ah well, you know now where to go for your Christmas re-insurance needs.


Busy graphs help rattle punters

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Harris Harassment, (HHH NYSE) shocked market analysts this morning when it announced that it had acquired rival Outreach Amity, LLC. “We expect to continue to serve both customer bases with the same excellent service. Of you do not stay in touch with your friends, we will outreach ® you,” said Malachi Goikochea, Sr. VP for Branding, Positioning and Framing.

Established in 1926 Harris Harassment is a world-leader Friendship Maintenance Consultant, bothering and badgering non-communicative and non-responsive friends for clients across the globe.

Small Investors thank Hedge Fund Runners

You will probably have a hard time remembering Jai-Alai 3Card Monty Bourse Bigote de Barcelona.   (A quick search of this locus for Jai alai will quickly refresh your memory).  Their financial wizardry landed them in regulatory difficulties and they took many of their boutique financial instruments such as their Poverty Deflate Swaps off the market.

During the recent socialist, liberal, effete, elitist witch-hunt Jai-Ala had been quietly working behnd the scenes through its political foundations, pouring millions into the election campaigns of willing and compliant “politicians” who will now create a more hopspitable environment for the kind of go-getting entrepreneurship that made Jai-Alai 3Card Monty Bourse de Barcelona the giant it once was.

Stand by for the launch of Real Income Erosion Futures and  Class-based Asset Class Repurchase Bonds as soon as the richest 2% are relieved of the heinous burden of having to pay their own electric bills.

Following the partial success (the other part was complete failure) of Operation Open Shut the increasingly erratic Bee Pee CEO Moxy Potline issued the following statement:

Operation Open Shut was only partially successful despite the valiant efforts of Botch and Bungle, uhm, I mean, Wedlock and Mandible, uhm, you know who I mean the two wrench like wraiths we borrowed from the London Olympics who really didn’t do that good a job when you think about it.  [Mumbles indistinctly]  We are now considering the Glass Hammer Solution.  This simple and elegant solution will drop a huge glass hammer onto the oil slick (it’s glass so we can see through it to aim).  This will disperse it into globlets small enough to be retrieved in the average pleasure craft.  We will pay a bounty of $100 for every barrel returned to our temporary headquarters in Camp Fuck Off Public No Admittance.

We expect manufacture to take 5-8 days and the design phase for helicopters large enough to carry it out to sea to be complete by June 18.  If I might be so bold as to quote the Irish Nobel winner Samuel Beckett: “Try again.  Fail again. Fail better.”  Now if you will excuse me I have to play in a five-a-side rugby tournament in Dubai.

Wall Street analysts shook their heads and walked away in the direction of Gargle McDargles Irish Pub on Pine Street.