Politics and other wildlife


Dream Job

Nothing but Seanad election stuff in the post.  That reminds me though, I didn’t get my quarterly statement for The Cliff Experience Reception Experience Icarus Trust.  I rang Hedgeer Hemlien and got a recorded message saying to ring some fella at Mollusk Fonseca.  Sure I don’t even know the country code for Panama

The Cliff Experience Reception Experience (Disruptive Innovation and Cutting-edge Banality in the Prefab Hut Space)

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In order to justify the use of this Blogspace, The Definitive Indefinite Article is enjoined from time to time to produce something of redeeming social value.  We have argued that Bloomsday Twiterature fulfills this need but have been told that it is a “nasty, dirty book.” So here is the first in a potential series of Public Service Announcements on the theme of Romney becoming President would be like….

Romney becoming president would be like Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory Redux where Verruca Salts gets the goose that lays the golden egg and  the everlasting gobstopper, partners with the real  Slugworth to do a hostile takeover of the factory, deports Willy Wonka (clearly a foreigner) and all the Oompa  Loompas and then asset-strips the factory before moving the whole operation overseas and selling off the building, fixtures and fittings to some predatory venture capitalists and Charlie ends up selling a kidney for food which teaches him the value of self-reliance.

Small Investors thank Hedge Fund Runners

We work for you!

The Hooker Streetcorner Bill currently before the US Congress would radically reform how political campaigns are financed.  John Hooker (R) and Harriet Streetcorner (D) co-sponsored this bill in the hope it would “bring transparency and accountability to how our elections work and for whom they work.”

The bill would

  •        Ensure that each campaign contributor be acknowledged on the representative’s attire in a manner proportional to their monetary backing of that representative
  •        Apportion one day a year each to the hundred (100) largest aggregate contributors to the houses of congress when they may fly their corporate flag over the houses of congress.  These days shall be known and Johns’ Days.

 

“We hope that this bill will demonstrate to the American People ® that transparency is our top priority.  Now you will not just be able to read a politician’s lips you will be able to read his or her clothes and know exactly whose best interests are being represented.” added Representative Hooker.

the Definitive Indefinite Article has just learned from our spam blocker that there is a whole digital demi-monde wherein one may earn a living simply by taking online surveys.  It would seem that the internet has finally delivered on the promise of a leisure society and we can all pack in the day jobs.

At least there is one context in which we can still say “Yes we can!” and not feel like assholes.

Due to cutbacks at The Definitive Indefinite Article, this is the sole extent of our analysis of the State of the Union address.  But here’s a survey to practice for your new career:

The Supreme Court of the United States has cleared the way for Members of the US Congress to accept unlimited corporate money and display the logos of their benefactorson their suits provided they are always accompanied by Public Image Modulation Personell or PIMP.

http://www.nytimes.com/2010/01/22/us/politics/22scotus.html?partner=rss&emc=rss

“It is incumbent on us to protect our Democracy by ensuring that our elected officials do not roam around the Capitol without their PIMPs.  That would de a travesty of the democratic process,” said the Justices.

“I was thinking that politics was the oldest profession in the world but this decision has just reminded me of another one,” declared a court observer.  “Some of these guys are going to end up looking like Nascar drivers.”

Q: How do you say “Happy Thanksgiving” in Massachuset?

A:

Healthcare for sale?The Appalled Reader:  You can’t be serious!

 

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Well, not entirely.  You can’t indiscriminately feed people to the rich.  You would need some kind of safety testing first.  Maybe something like an organic rating.  But that’s not the real point.  We want to hector you and let you know how important it is that people continue to get sick and go into backruptcy because they can’t pay their medical bills.

 

The Appalled Reader:  Who let you in here?  Where’s the owner?

 

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Let’s not get mired in who broke into whose blog or who hit whom with a sock of marbles and tied them up in the basement.  This is about patriotism.  This about God-fearing people defending their country from the onslaught of socialistic anarcho-syndicalism disguised as providing healthcare.  

 

The Appalled Reader: Socialistic anarcho-syndicalism? You know that’s meaningless.

 

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Of course it seems meaningless to you. You’re part of the Meaning-based Community. You think about elitist dictionary meanings of words.  Real patriots like us know in our hearts what words mean.  If this country interferes with the sickness industry we will be one step closer to a socialistic anarcho-syndicalist crypto Darwinian nightmare.  How can drug companies be expected to survive off the profits they make?  They can barely make ends meet.  They have to put up with government interference: big Fed funding all the drug research and development, compliant regulators constantly looking for jobs.  You have no idea how hard it is for a heartless corporation to make an honest buck today.  Who can blame them if they have to resort to misinformation, scaremongering and propaganda.  What wouldn’t you do to save your shareholders and the value of your stock options.  Will someone please think of the stock options!?!  You don’t understand how close we are to drive-thru abortion clinics!  More euthanasia death rays in space!  Mandatory homosexuality camps!  Bleeding heart liberals clicking links like this

http://www.americacantwait.com/

wanting poor people to be able to see a doctor when God has already decided that they should die in pain and penury.  Trying to interfere with the inalienable right to exploit your weaker fellow man for fun and profit.  Accusing the undustry of manipulating the debate in stories like this  http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/oct/01/lobbyists-millions-obama-healthcare-reform

Partisan ideaologically motivated fabrication…

[Sound of basement door opening]

 The Definitive Indefinite Article:  Get out of my house you hateful shitbag!

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