August 2015


Better fun thatn Wii

Instagram?  Moi?

so like I am totally? on jury duty? for this huge Federal case? and am not even supposed to be online? and we are all sequestered? in this hotel which? is kind of awesome? but I have no idea? when I wail get done? so Madison’s cousin? Brock’s girlfriend? Radcliffe? is taking my weekends? until I am done? so that should be fun? cos Brock? and Radcliffe? are going to instagram? every moment? of every weekend? as part of their PhD’s? in Communications?

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so like the bass player? from Jericho Turnpike? comes over? with Taffte? after the gig? with a big hookah? and he fires up the hookah? and he says his name is Photon? and Thorin? starts giggling? so hard? that he swallows some part of his sunglasses? and when he calls for help? he sounds like like Elmo? and it is so totally hilarious? until he goes blue? and then Nixxon? gives Thorin? the Heimlich maneuver? and he is OK? and Photon nods? and just says karma? don’t mock the name again? and McKinley? gets all ? Wait your name is Photon? or Karma? and all like Oooooo these aren’t the droids you’re looking for? and then she starts having some kind of weird mini stroke? and Photon? just folds his arms? and says anyone else wanna make fun of the name? and then we are like totally creeped out by him? and everyone goes to bed? and on Sunday? Taffte says she tried to break up with him? on Saturday night? but as soon as she started saying stuff? her throat started to get all dry? and she couldn’t breathe right? and then Thorin? says Enough? and goes upstairs and opens the curtains? and Photon screams? and turns to dust? and then I wake up? and I am still on the deck? and Thorin? and Photon? are firing up the hookah again? and I know I need to totally go lie down?

Caution!  Bishop at Work!

Dude!  This stuff has no effect at all!

And that whole weird

thing? with Taffte? and Nixxon? and Photon?  the bass player guy? and the hookah?

I can’t?

I just can’t?

I can’t even?

I just can’t even?

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So? the one weekend? I don’t go to the beach? cos I have to go to Boston? for my grandmother’s 99th birthday? (and my mother? makes a complete mess? facetiming? from her writing retreat? in Catalonia?) interesting stuff happens? and I arrive out of Friday night? to find that Taffte? is dating the bass player? in Jericho Template? who play at Mizen 380? on Saturdays? and can’t stop trying to make everyone listen to them? on her phone? until Megghhghennn? gets all: they are just a Psychedelic Furs ripoff? how could you date someone that derivative? and we are all like what? and stuff? and McKinley? is all like? she has an MFA or something? in post punk cultural studies? from Princeton? and Taffte? is all like screw you? and your academic bullshit? but at least she stops making us listen to Jericho Template? which is a BIG relief? cos they suck so bad? And Campbell? texts me? all “awesome! thanks so much? moving to Napa? see ya never?” with a link and it’s Seeley Mildew? in a tutu? pissing on some penthouse floor? playing Born In The USA on a kazoo? and it has 88 million hits? and we all play this drinking game? with Thorin? and whoever loses? has to say Hedgeer Hemlien Preferred Equity Inverted Value Futures? ®*** while standing on one leg? and holding their nose? and it is all fun? until Nixxon passes out? and falls in the pool? but Jostlin gets her out? and it is all ok? sort of?

***Publisher’s note: See! We warned you about the product placement. Wouldn’t you have preferred an ad-free paywall?