To the tumultuous sound of one hand clapping the Reverend Ian Paisley, founder of the Free Presbyterian Church, will protest the visit of Pope Benedict to the United Kingdom in order to show support for the victims of clerical abuse.

Said Gusty McGlinchey, founder of the North Antrim Centre for Non-Attachment and propreitor of Gouging Gusty’s Norn Iron Do Jo :

It has taken many years of study and practice to come up with a way to both attack and defend Taigs, uhm, Catholics at the same time.  We believe this exercise should only be attempted by true adepts.  Others may suffer internal organ damage from the strains of inner moral torque.