July 2010


 

Osric The Unhinged son of Ethelgulf the Lapdancer

The Intrusive Reader: Did you read about this?

TDIA: WHAT are you doing in here?  Can’t you see I’m watching the world cup?

The Intrusive Reader: Recording the games, are you?  You’re way behind.  No need to bother watching that one – Mexico beat France handily.

[Groans from the cheap seats at the back of the gallery]

TDIA: Handily?

The Intrusive Reader: Handball.  Thierry Henry?  Remember?

TDIA: Right.   So did I read about what?

The Intrusive Reader: The Prime Minister of England just issued an apology to King Osric the Unhinged of the Jutes saying that the attack on their camp in Wessex in 822 was “unprovoked” and “regrettable.” and that the initial Drudgery Report in 824 was completley inadequate.

TDIA: Are you sure about that?

The Intrusive Reader: Something along those lines I’m sure.

TDIA: Maybe it’s the Bloody Sunday report your thinking of?

The Intrusive Reader: Ah yes that would be it!  Still better late than never, eh?

TDIA: True enough.  At least it came around quicker that a repeat World Cup win.  44 years and counting.  I’ d hate to be wating that long.

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In an unprecedented move, the Pugnacious Arts Section of FIFA (Floundering In Football Administration) released the following statement exclusively to The Definitive Indefinite Article:

In light of recent considerations, we have decided to rescind the Psychotic Bastard Skinhead Award we earlier awarded to the Ivory Coast.

This comes on the heels of the discovery of the Cruyff Total Football Invisibility Shield that the Dutch team have been deploying on the field.  This shield creates a National Stereotype Enhancement Effect that prevents officials and pundits from noticing that, the Dutch are, in fact, a fascinatingly cynical and dirty team.

We wish to get this award rectified before the semi-final to avoid any charges on hopping on any band wagons.  We regret that we have been blinded by Cruyff metaphors and lazy punditry and hope this will settle the matter.