Following the partial success (the other part was complete failure) of Operation Open Shut the increasingly erratic Bee Pee CEO Moxy Potline issued the following statement:

Operation Open Shut was only partially successful despite the valiant efforts of Botch and Bungle, uhm, I mean, Wedlock and Mandible, uhm, you know who I mean the two wrench like wraiths we borrowed from the London Olympics who really didn’t do that good a job when you think about it.  [Mumbles indistinctly]  We are now considering the Glass Hammer Solution.  This simple and elegant solution will drop a huge glass hammer onto the oil slick (it’s glass so we can see through it to aim).  This will disperse it into globlets small enough to be retrieved in the average pleasure craft.  We will pay a bounty of $100 for every barrel returned to our temporary headquarters in Camp Fuck Off Public No Admittance.

We expect manufacture to take 5-8 days and the design phase for helicopters large enough to carry it out to sea to be complete by June 18.  If I might be so bold as to quote the Irish Nobel winner Samuel Beckett: “Try again.  Fail again. Fail better.”  Now if you will excuse me I have to play in a five-a-side rugby tournament in Dubai.

Wall Street analysts shook their heads and walked away in the direction of Gargle McDargles Irish Pub on Pine Street.

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