THIS is who controls the world economy.

After a busy Friday of panic selling the Lemmings have returned to the trading floors, this time in their other mode: frenzied buying.   A spokesvole for Goldbag Sacks said: “Since the 2008 credit crisis, we have let most of our traders go and replaced them with Smart Phone savvy lemmings.   Most senior management positions are now occupied by voles or muskrats.  The ROI has been extraordinary.   Initially we were concerned that we might lose some of the nuance that human traders brought to the market but we are confident that the lemmings can outdo human traders in both panic selling and frenzied buying, the two most popular market strategies today.

The Hedgeer Hemlein Index hit an all time high of 18,122.84 on the news that the European Central Bank was going to throw money at every lemming it could find.