December 2009

What a fantastic year it has been! 

In January we had the immortal quote from our Outraged Reader: “NATIONALIZE THE BASTARD BANKS!’  Of course this was ignored by grown ups with suits in the hope that everyone would forget about the whole thing and, in large part, everyone did.

In February we had the world exclusive on the last letters of Col. Trevelyan Makeshift-Bastion, a similarly exclusive report of Pope Dancing Foxtrot With Celebrity Fascist long before celebrity fascism had even become popular and some assorted ruminations on Ponzi Schemes.

March brought with it wind and rain and disturbing movements on the Hedgeer Hemlien Index, fantastic St. Patrick’s Day frolics, and the news of AIG for Sale.

April was indeed the cruellest month and The Definitive Indefinite Article took to heart the advices of Ludvig Wittgenstein: “Whereof we cannot speak reasonably, we must pass over in silence.”  Tractatus Logico-Philosophicus, 7

May we heralded in in time-honored fashion with a stirring rendition of the Internationale, the introduction of Twiterature and its Spanish language version Twiteratura.

June brought us my own mysterious disappearance, Hedgeer Hemlien acquiring Bigote of Barcelona, Bloomsday, the birth of Twiterary Cwiticism and the  launch of ipuke, the app that makes your phone throw up all over itself at night.

July was a slow month with wi fi in Dublin taxis bringing the death of obscurantist conversation and the French Foreign Legion setting fire to Marseilles.

August saw the end of reader-generated content and the rebranding of AIG as CHARTIS

September was a mixed bag of little note.

October saw  Dublin being the real winner in the Olympic bidding process.

November saw the Definitive Indefinite Article branch out into plagiarism, the Thierry Henry Sportsman of the Year/Decade debacle and its associated vinicultural fallout.

December delivered itself of TD Paul Gogarty shouting “Fuck You” at Emmet Stagg in Dáil Éireann, the continuing decease of Samuel Beckett , The Mire’s Year in Review and (the ultimate, the ne plus pas ultra in self-referentiality) the Definitive Indefinite Article Year in Review.

Here’s to another year of pharmaceutical auto bots misguidedly leaving links trying to sell Celexa to the residents of  St. Loman’s Home for Retired, Decrepit and Indigent Blog Taglines and their Relicts. Now pin your ears back, ignore the bad 70’s clothes and enjoy (email subscribers please do not all visit the site at once or you will crash it):


In a bizarre turn of events, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Cuffe Street), the mostly Thomist rival to the Cartesian Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) and best known for awarding its Sportsman of the Decade award to Thierry Henry, has awarded Green Party Deputy Paul Gogarty its Sportsman of the Decade award.
Spokesperson Terence Scully of the Order said: “It was fucking deadly the way he just told that specky four-eyed bollix Fuck You. I never seen a TD on the telly do the like of that before.”

When asked about the rumor that Mr. Gogarty had only been chosen after the Tiger Woods scandal broke, Mr. Scully retorted:  “Golf isn’t politics! Sure it isn’t even a real fucking sport!”

The Definitive Indefinite Article is grieved to note the massive layoffs that have occurred in Irish politics.

The Observant Reader: What the fuck are you talking about?  You just posted the video of Deputy Paul Gogarty shouting “Fuck you!” at Deputy Emmet Stagg in the Oireachtas.  Just have a look at it.  What has that to do with layoffs?  You’re missing the point.  I now apologise for my use of improper language but really you are missing the fucking point completely.  Look at the video!

TDIA: Right I see what you are talking about but you see?  There at 0:38?  There are like 5 people left in government.  You can’t run even a small country with 5 people.  It would take more people than that to run a country into the ground.  It took a couple of hundred of the best and the brightest to do that in the first place.

The Observant Reader: Point taken.

Or so the American Center for Disease Control seems to think.  But it’s OK.  They are only planning go make it mandatory for little boys.  They haven’t yet come up with the strategy for taking the blade to all the little girls yet.  If ye think yer god needs you to lop off part of your newborn’s penis, good luck to you!  But really , let’s keep it Mutilation Optional.  No Scalpel Panels!  Click below to let the CDC know they are out there with the flat earthers.

December 6th is the Day of the Constitution in Spain.  December 8th is the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Virgin Mary.  For anyone who wonders what a fascist state looks like or can’t even begin to imagine have a look here.  This is what the confluence of nationalism, business interests and the god squad arrayed against working people looks like. Watch out for tell-tale signs in your world!  ¡Felíz día de la constitución!

Click here to see




Here’s a thought experiment from our Money Over Matter Department.

You know the way the tobacco people knew decades ago that cigarettes were addictive and caused all kind of deadly diseases but opted instead for the business decision to take the up-front profits, obfuscate the whole health question for as long as possible and deal with the legal consequences later?

Now, what if the cellular telephone people had a memo somewhere informing them that the radiation generated by all those smart and not so smart phones was causing brain and jaw cancer or leukemia or something awful like that.  (For our email subscribers you should check the site for the poll below – and I mean BOTH of you!!)

We are delighted to announce that we have a new friend.

The Skeptical Reader:  Is this like a real person?

TDIA: No, we found her on the internet.

The Skeptical Reader: I see.  And you call this a life?

TDIA: No. I don’t think I ever called it a life.

The Skeptical Reader: Fair point.  So, who is this new friend of yours?


The Skeptical Reader:  And what’s that all about?

TDIA: Idiots and morons who succeed because of their stupidty.  We shall be adding it to our blogroll.  

The Skeptical Reader:  And those are the kind of people you want for imaginary friends then?

TDIA: Is that your Lexus that they are towing from outside my house?

The Skeptical Reader: Bastard!