1. One medium piece of fresh roadkill. Possum for preference. If not available two plump stoats or a half a dozen moderately fed voles will do
2. Two and a half duck eggs
3. 16 Heads of garlic, peeled, minced and soaked overnight in kerosene
4. 4 cups breadcrumbs
5. One cup buttermilk
Pre-heat the oven to 755 degrees Kelvin
Wash and pat dry road kill. DO NOT skin.
Beat the roadkill vigorously with a spandex bikini top. Then dip the roadkill in the buttermilk and dredge in the breadcrumbs. Fry the eggs and place in roadkill’s mouth. Place roadkill in roasting dish and sprinkle with garlic. Roast in oven turning once. 8 minutes per pound and 15 minutes for the roasting dish for medium rare. Serve over a bed of unwashed celeriac. Best accompanied with a glass of hot cream sherry or room-temperature chardonnay.
Many of you, well the dozen or so of you who were here when we launched the erstwhile Indefinite Article (if you want to read about the ugliness with The Indefinite Particle you can click here), will remember our fantastically famous and successful Olympic Training Regimen.
The Inquisitive Reader: What are you offering this time? More lessons on how to smoke cigarettes?
TDIA: No, no, no. This time we will going into partnership with The Instituto De Mascotas Jorobadas in Cadiz to help players prepare for the trauma of photo ops with out-of-work actors wearing stifling leopard suits.
The Inquisitive Reader: That’s it?
TDIA: Well, that and how to put up with the continuous noise of annoying plastic horns.
The Inquisitive Reader: I see. And how do you propose to do this?
TDIA: Intensive Patrick’s Day festival exposure in Dublin next year.
The Inquisitive Reader: And the trumpets?
TDIA: Have you ever been to Dublin for Patrick’s Day?
The Inquisitive Reader: I have not.
TDIA: I rest my case.