June 2009


The Casual Reader: Seeing as there is no one home today and I have the keys, here’s a question for the wide public out there.  If Apple made an application that periodically vomited all over itself, what would it be called?

ipuke

ivomit

ichunder

igag

iheave

ibarf

ipuke

isick

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The Earnest Reader: Our Bloomsday reading yesterday provoked a flurry of activity from within the Academic “Community”.  We had not thought dearth had undone so many.  We are therefore delighted to announce the birth of Twiterary Cwiticism.  (Note to public we have already claimed the term Twiterary Theory too.) We have reprinted some of the submissions below.  Needless to say they are limited to 140 characters. 

 The Concerned Reader: Now there is an idea I can really get behind: literary criticism mangled down to 140 characters!

 It was the erstwhile Earl of Rochester who, upon reading Canto VII of Il Purgatorio, remarked to his drinking companions: “A pox on the very

 From Vico, Dante, The Story Untelling by  Rudmose Boaterhat-Pubcrawl, D Litt, Asumpta College Cambridge

 

How can the non Thomist in posse become the harbinger of anti historicity while clinging to the Hegelian precepts gained in years of earnest

 From Joyce and Post Modern Neo-Post-Structuralism, the Postquailist Tendencies by Prof Vicente Caligliari, International Joyce Summer School, Brindisi, Italy

 

When I was a boy old Ma Joyce once caught me robbing the milk bottles off their doorstep.  Drumdondra Road in those days was a place of many

 From I Knew Yr Aul Wan, A Memoir of My Acquaintance With James Joyce by Francis Xavier Pendergast, poet, veterinarian and critic.

The Earnest Reader: The Definitive Indefinite Article is proud to present its first annual Bloomsday reading of Ulysses by James Joyce.

The Concerned Reader: If brevity be the soul of it, read on.  Do your worst.

The Earnest Reader: [Reads]

 Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came across from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing

The Concerned Reader:  That’s it, right?

The Earnest Reader:  Yep!  Thats twiterature, 140 characters.

The Concerned Reader: You know there are readings that go on all day and night, with famous actors and the like.

The Earnest Reader:  I know.  And there is nothing to stop me doing this bit of twiterature over and over in different voices.  [Reads in bad Ian McKellan impression]

 Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came across from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing

The Concerned Reader: Please stop now!

The Earnest Reader: Or this, one of those salt of the eeeearth Northside Dubbelin accents loike Misther Jice had:

 Stately, plump Buck Mulligan came across from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and a razor lay crossed. A yellow dressing

The Concerned Reader: Is this the fusebox?

The Earnest Reader: I think it is.  Have you ever heard me do Al Pacino?

[Click. Darkness.  Silence]

 

 

The Concerned Reader: What is this about

The Earnest Reader: He sent a press release from Donegal.

The Concerned Reader: He what?!?!?!  Is this anything to do with that Albuquerque mystic? What does it say?

The Earnest Reader: It’s in Catalan so you’ll have to forgive me if my rendering is a little rough.

The Concerned Reader: You sepak Catalan?

The Earnest Reader: Not a word.  [Reads]

Hedgeer Hemlien is delighted to announce that it has acquired Bourse Bigote de Barcelona in a business maneuver involving beehives, Treblikistani arms dealers and an orange tricycle. .  Bourse Bigote is the world-renowned index of facial hair.  This will make Hedgeer, Hemlien, Bigote the most powerful tool of economic prognostication since Alan Greenspan.

The combined Hedgeer Hemlien Bigote Index this morning stands at 1,798.  2,200 is presumed to signify planetary annihilation so 1,798 is not good.  Since the merger yesterday, recorded sightings of waxed Dali-esque moustaches are up 4000% over last week, causing some analysts to flee cities with trucks filled with dog food and flares.    Meanwhile Fedora’s are up 2/4% and hemlines of shorts down 1.7% over last June, promising a rocky summer, particularly for the spandex bikini community.

That’s it.  I’m not so sure I got the gist of the last sentence but you get the picture.

The Concerned Reader: Do we have to publish it?

The Earnest Reader: I just read it out loud online, didn’t I?

The Concerned Reader: Yeah but beyond those exclusive Platinum TDIA members, do we need to tell anyone else.

The Earnest Reader: No, twelve people is enough.  Those initiated into TDIA are like the illuminati -a select, secretive and powerful group and no one really knows who they are or how they function as a group.  

The Concerned Reader: True enough.  Can I borrow some fishing line?

The Earnest Reader: No problem.  I think he keeps it up there behind the vinegar.

The Earnest Reader: I am afraid I have some bad news to share about our proprietor

The Concerned Reader: He’s not…

The Earnest Reader: No.  As you know he recently disappeared up a mountain in Donegal to become a monk of some sort.

The Concerned Reader: That was somewhat surprising but not entirely shocking.

The Earnest Reader: Well, it gets worse.  He has shaved his head.

The Concerned Reader: [Gasp of horror]  But those tresses!  Nonetheless, hardly tragic.

The Earnest Reader: And has taken to writing poetry.

The Concerned Reader: Oh dear.

The Earnest Reader: And sending it to us demanding it be posted.

The Concerned Reader: Oh dear oh dear.  Is there a lot of it?

The Earnest Reader: Thankfully at the moment his monkishness is taking the form of simplicity and bareness so his output is sparse and minimalist.

The Concerned Reader: There is at least that to be thankful for.

The Earnest Reader: There is

The Concerned Reader: Are you going to publish it?

 The Earnest Reader: I suppose so.  Those of you of a refined aesthetic sensibility are cautioned to stop reading now  [Reads reluctantly]

i have given away my nothing

so my hands may now applaud

their own renewed emptiness

The Concerned Reader: Jaysus!  do you think he’s handed this blog over to his spiritual guide?

The Earnest Reader: I don’t know.