The Curious Reader: I had to come over.  I hear you got a dog.  What are you building down there?

 

TDIA: The future made out of 4x2s and a spandex bikini!  Now get out of here!  [Hurls book at him]

 

The Curious Reader: Ow?  What’s this?

 

TDIA: A book I found behind the boiler.  [Storms back down basement stairs]

 

The Curious Reader: [Reads]

The Collected Letters of Col. Trevelyan Makeshift-Bastion, Published by Unredoubtable Enterprise Books, 1935.

 

Day 47

We are still at Camp 3.  The snows have not abated since Wednesday and, though I don’t like to say it in front of the chaps, things are beginning to look a little grim.  Last night we used up the last of the Earl Grey and we have only three lemons left.  Of course the Sherpas have ample supplies but are very loath to share them with us since Beverage sent one of them back to Base Camp for his regimental collar studs and the poor chap was swallowed up in an avalanche.  I can only hope the snow lets up so we can press on to Camp 4.

 

There are plenty of supplies at Camp 4: half a gallon of fine Madeira, some fresh crumpets, clotted cream and a splendid billiard table that we had two of the Sherpas carry up there early in the spring – damn plucky little blighters – could show a thing or two to the shiftless so-called working class back in Blighty.

 

The only real worry I have is that Severance may be losing his mind.  He has been putting lima beans in his service revolver and taking pot shots at the summit.  Clayshaw has also been acting a little strangely and has begun to take milk instead of lemon in his tea.  It is very distressing.  I have seen that before – first it is milk instead of lemon, then they start taking their whisky without soda and next thing you know they are running around stark naked with a missionary’s head on a stick.  I find myself recalling my first summer in Dorset after Father had gone to India and mother was locked in the conservatory drinking gin from a chamber pot…[The rest of the letter would appear to have been chewed away by a rodent or a member of the servant classes]…

 

 

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