Web Appointed Legal Counsel: The following in no way manner or means constitutes any admission or acknowledgment that I may have been stung by the criticisms implicit or overt leveled at me by The Concerned Reader.  I am simply providing an update on the status of the recently detained Definitive Indefinite Article. 

 

The Concerned Reader: Non-apology accepted.

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: How did you get in here?  You scared the crap out of me.

 

The Concerned Reader: He keeps a spare key in the shed.  What are you doing here?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: I have news!  TDIA is not being held by the Georgian government.

 

The Concerned Reader: So where is he?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: Oh, he’s still on Jekyll Island but Jekyll Island no longer belongs to the Georgians.

 

The Concerned Reader: They gave it back?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: Not in so many words.  They securitized it.

 

The Concerned Reader: They WHAT???.

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: They bundled it together with a whole bunch of other stuff they had received over the years – you know, stuff from state visits, things won in card games at European Summits: shamrock-infested rocks, shaman outfits, the island of Crete, elephant testicles – and had some bank value it, securitize it and sell  it.

 

The Concerned Reader: Sell it to whom??

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: This is where it gets complicated.  First it was bought by the breakaway People’s Republic of Treblikistan.

 

The Concerned Reader: I’ve never heard of it.

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: It was short-lived thing.  Do you want to hear the story or not? [Silence]  Treblikistan had its assets, among them securitized Jekyll Island, seized by the Danish government in lieu of herring payments.  They then sold them to the Brazilian Central Bank who bundled Treblikistan’s securitized unwanted presents with a whole bunch of other countries’ souvenirs and sold it all on to a conglomerate of hedge funds who buried it in a ditch, released a whole family of derivatives and bonds based on it and promptly went bankrupt.

 

The Concerned Reader: And then?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel:  They were temporarily acquired by the mega-investment bank TooBigToFail, Raptor, Golden Parachute and Troll who then themselves went bankrupt but were bailed out by the Federal Reserve.

 

The Concerned Reader: So Jekyll Island belongs to the state of Georgia again?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: I’ll have to get back to you on that one.  At the moment it looks like it belongs to the Treasury Department. 

 

The Concerned Reader: Does that mean the “enhanced interrogation techniques” are off the table?

 

Web Appointed Legal Counsel: I have to go.  I’m double-parked.

 

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