It’s really great to be back.  After the Olympics and some last minute smoking consulting for the US Tennis Open, I am finally back and can sit here, catch up on news, email, blogs and…

 

[Loud banging on door, screen left.  Sound of wood splintering.  Multiple booted footsteps are heard]

 

The Forces of Law and Order: DOWN ON THE FLOOR NOW.  HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: What is…

 

The Forces of Law and Order: I SAID SHUT UP AND DOWN ON THE FLOOR

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: You didn’t actually say “shut up.”

 

The Forces of Law and Order: I MEANT TO.  NOW SHUT UP!  DOWN ON THE FLOOR!  HANDS ON YOUR HEAD!

 

[Awkward pause.]

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Conciliatory] Do you need me to ask you what you are doing here.

 

The Forces of Law and Order: OH YEAH!  THAT WOULD BE A HELP! 

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: What are you doing here?

 

The Forces of Law and Order: [Rifles through pockets.  Reads from laminated card.]  YOU ARE HEREBY DETAINED UNDER THE OSTRICHES OF THE DEPARTMENT OF UNTOLD CONFORMITY FOR POSSESSION OF AN ENGINE OF MEDIA WITH INTENT TO SAY UNFLATTERING THINGS ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN, THE REPUBLICAN CONVENTION OR THE CITY OF ST PAUL.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: I bet that doesn’t say “ostriches.”

 

The Forces of Law and Order: YOU’RE RIGHT.  IT SAYS “AUSPICES.”

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: Does that mean you can’t detain me now?

 

The Forces of Law and Order: [Pause.  Sound of expansive brow furrowing.  Pause.]  NO.  OSTRICHES, AUSPICES IT’S ALL THE SAME.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: This is crazy.  This blog is about smoking and bishops moonlighting the Olympics and spandex and particle accelerators and celebrity fascists and electric books and energy policy and designer pharmaceuticals and the Hedgeer Hemlien Index and …

 

The Forces of Law and Order: YOU HAVE ALSO SAID SOME THINGS ABOUT JOHN MCCAIN.  HERE.  HERE.  AND HERE.  COME WITH ME TO THE FIRST AMENDMENT RE-EDUCATION CENTER.

 

[Sound of plastic handcuffs.  Scuffling fades off to screen left.]

 

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