The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: So anyway, there I was at the weekend watching Olympic equestrian beach shot putt waiting for Obama to text me his VP choice when who do I notice in the stands behind the Bolivian team coach…

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: …Out of my way!  I have important news to tell everyone.  Joe…

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: …Biden is Obama’s running mate for November.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: How did you know that?

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: I was just about to tell you all before you so rudely interrupted me.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: So how did you know that?

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: He texted me.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Incredulously] You?

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer:  Yes.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: Ha!

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer:  Well, not just me.  There were about thirty zillion others too.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Suspiciously] And how much did this cost?

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: Free.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: Oh.  [Pause.] Well that explains it.

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: Explains what?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: Why I only found out now.

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: [With relish.] Please.  Go on.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: I signed up for the premium service.

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer:  Right.  And?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: It’s a little slower.  [Pause] But much more elegant.

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: And it cost you?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: It would be vulgar to tell you.

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: [Archly] We are suddenly concerned about vulgarity here?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: There is need for that tone.  By the way, is that skinny waif in the corner my cat?

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: Uhm, no, no.  That’s uhm a stray I adopted.  Yours is sleeping.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: I see. So I found out later but the news was delivered to me by a page in an ermine flight suit accompanied by four former Miss Worlds in transparent spandex bikinis on a sleigh. 

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: I take it the bikinis were on the Miss Worlds and not on the sleigh.  That seems like a good use of your budget.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: When your secret smoking training regimen has already netted 47 gold medals, you don’t have a budget.  Excuse me.  The Miss Worlds are arguing about which of my Lamborghinis we should take out for the picnic.

 

[Exit screen left]

 

The Avid Reader and Sometime Interloping Writer: [Despondently.] I thought I was going to win that one.  I really did.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Barely audible above the revving of sports car and blandishments of beauty queens.] Don’t forget to feed the cat!

 

 

 

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