The Definitive Indefinite Article is proud to announce the results of our contest to name the newest Media Outburst Syndrome ® remedy.  After much deliberation and a manual recount of votes cast via the web, the winner is….

 

Suppressitol ©®

 

Our winner, Imanuel O’Herlihy in Dubai will be receiving his powerboat in the next two weeks.  The rest of you will be sorry to hear that Enormity Magazine has gone out of business following a downturn in the disgusting displays of personal wealth industry.

 

Now, we know some of you worked very hard and voted very often for your favorite name and we would like to keep you involved.  So the next phase before we can go to market with this wondrous product is to identify what is known in the business as Heimat’s Horizon ©.  This is the point beyond which side effects of a remedy outweigh its benefits.  Obviously a cure for brittle nails that causes immediate liver failure will not go far.  So we would ask you to identify the side effects that you would consider over and above the Heimat Horizon for a medication that stops you shouting back at the media. 

 

Possible Side Effects of Suppressitol ®

·        Neck spasms

·        Heel failure

·        Exploding knees

·        Low sperm count

·        Nausea (the JP Sartre book not feeling pukey)

·        Nausea (feeling pukey)

·        Dizziness and bleeding from other peoples’ ears

·        St. Vitus Dance (to the tune of Men Without Hats)

·        Irrepressible urges to purchase rowing memorabilia

·        Sport-Specific mania –obsessive searching for The La Crosse Channel

·        Kidney tremors

·        Cyan blue stripes across the face

·        High-pitched screaming while asleep

·        Perpetual flatulence

·        148 db ringing in the ears while awake

·        148 db ringing in the ears while asleep

·        First 2 bars of Hey Jude playing over and over inside your head

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