The Teaser

Shouting at the TV, the internet, the newspaper or the radio?  Grinding your teeth every time you see Silvio Berlusconi and Donald Rumsfeld hosting Can You Believe I’m Not in Jail?  You are not alone.  Your suffering is at an end!

 

The Context

Inexplicably, advertisers have been slow to hitch their wagons to the mixed metaphor runaway train that is the success of The Definitive Indefinite Article.  So, to keep our doors open and the lights on, we have expanded our operations and are happy to announce that Our Department of Market Jockeying will be serving as a consultant to the booming pharmaceutical industry.  Instead of misleading studies, biased and manipulated focus groups, we will allow you, the people, to have your say on bringing new drugs to market.

 

The Project

Our first project is the branding and positioning of a new Media Outburst Syndrome ®** drug for adults who wish to be able to interact with the meeja without feeling the need to shout back at it.  It comes from a reputable pharmaceutical giant who will remain nameless.  Here are the finalists. 

 

The Small Print

**The manufacturer makes no representation overt or implied that Media Outburst Syndrome ® is a genuine medical condition or that this product will have any beneficial effect on persons who genuinely require medication for anything else.  This product is solely for the purposes of pathologizing a perfectly normal reaction, inducing panic and promoting unnecessary prescription and purchasing in the service of the manufacturer’s stock valuation.

 

The Contenders

Suppressitol

Calmalot

Axxeptitol

Repressitrexin

Curbitol

StifleExtracin

Bottleuptrex

Numbitol

Sweargard

Keepitin

Indifferentex

Ignoravil

Ignoritol

Braindeadivate

Consumivate

 

The Prizes

You can cast your vote in the comments section. 

Vote Early!  Voter often!  You can win a powerboat, a lifetime subscription to Enormity Magazine or one of our secret sponsor prizes.  First 8,000 entries will also receive a one-month supply of this newly-named Media Outburst Syndrome medication.

Because of bandwidth realtime datametric constraints only the first 40,000 votes will be counted. 

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