So the United States is in its usual quadrennial quandary: How to choose a president?  Should the person to run the country be chosen on the basis of qualifications, ability, policy plans or because he would fit in at a crappy chain restaurant or be the kind of guy next door you could sit out on the front porch and have a beer with?  It seems the guy-next-door factor is a huge force. 


As a community service (part of our conditional release, but we’ll go into that another day) The Definitive Indefinite Article has designed the following Thought Experiment Quiz to help the public focus its thinking.  We hope that this helps clarify some concepts relating to elitism that seem to be giving people brain damage.  Do you really want someone who claims to be dumber than you in charge?


You are having invasive brain surgery.  Do you want to be operated on by:

1.     The chardonnay aficionado who came top of graduating class?

2.     The beer-from-the-bottle inverted snob who graduated at the bottom?


Your boiler is broken and you are freezing.  Do you:

1.     Call a qualified plumber?

2.     Let Tony next door who tells funny stories about his enlarged prostate loose with a blow torch?


Blinding pain shoots through your jaw.  Do you:

1.     Let Melanie who can do a perfect Posh Spice impersonation go at your molar with a screwdriver?

2.     Go to someone who went to dentist school?


Your flight is in mid-air.  Both pilot and co-pilot are taken ill.  The cabin crew look for someone to land the plane.  The passengers are in dispute.  Do you vote for:

1.     Jolly guy with the infectious laugh in 16G?

2.     Nondescript in 23F who flew cargo planes for 10 years?


You may have a very rare blood disease that will eventually cause your head to explode.  Do you:

1.     Seek the advice of the basketball trivia expert who soles your shoes and always has the smell of stale beer about him?

2.     See a doctor?


There may or may not be a catastrophic weather event headed in your direction.  Do you:

1.     Phone Anne because she has an umbrella with ears on it?

2.     Check the weather forecast.?


You are trapped in a disused well.  Do you:

1.     Accept the help of the guy with the funny hair who says he’ll help you dig your way to China?

2.     Accept the help of the guy with the rope?


Beware of false ordinariness.  The only people just like the sons and grandsons of admirals are the sons and grandsons of other admirals. 


This concludes The Definitive Indefinite Article’s community service.