The Definitive Indefinite Article:  We are delighted to announce that our maneuvers in the North Atlantic…

 

The Offended Reader:  So, you’re back then, are you?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  So it would seem.

 

The Offended Reader:  And you’re going to call it “Mission Accomplished” are you?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  We are.

 

The Offended Reader:  [Pointed silence]

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  Is there a problem?

 

The Offended Reader:  [Unconvincingly] No.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  I see.  Well, as I was saying, our maneuvers in the North Atlantic were….

 

The Offended Reader:  YOU COULD AT LEAST HAVE PHONED!

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  [Taken aback] What?

 

The Offended Reader:  You could at least have phoned!  You could have been down some laneway with a knife in your back for all I knew!  I was worried sick.  Did it even occur to you to phone?  Did it?  Oh no!  “I’m off to the North Atlantic on secret maneuvers and I don’t care who is sitting up all night worrying about me.”  Well fine then!  Tell us about your super secret maneuvers in the North Atlantic.

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  [Sheepishly] They were successful.

 

The Offended Reader:  Is that it?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  That’s all I can disclose.

 

The Offended Reader:  I see.  Not going to claim credit for surging oil prices?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  No.

 

The Offended Reader:  Obama winning the Democratic nomination?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  No.

 

The Offended Reader:  Scott McClellan agreeing to testify before congress?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  No.

 

The Offended Reader:  Russia winning the Eurovision Song Contest?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  No.

 

The Offended Reader:  Ireland not even qualifying for the finals of the Eurovision Song Contest?

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  No.

 

The Offended Reader:  Well I don’t see what was so bloody impressive about your maneuvers then!  I’m going out to buy a newspaper!  Welcome back!  [Stomps to door. Slamming of door.]

 

The Definitive Indefinite Article:  [Plaintively] I got you a bottle of Baileys in duty free.  Are you there?  Hello?  Did you read me novel while I was gone?  [A derisive snort is heard offscreen left]  I got some chocolates too…

 

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