The Indefinite Article is delighted to bring you a world-exclusive interview with Li Tei who was the one who actually had to sit with the Olympic Flame in his lap all the way from Athens to Beijing. 

TIA:  This must have been a huge honor for you. 

Li Tei: This was a great honor.  Usually I transport organs for transplant so the Olympic Flame was a big change for me. 

TIA:  Did you receive any special training? 

Li Tei:  I am at liberty only to tell you certain facts.  I am not at liberty to discuss a secret location in what may or may not be a bar in South Florida.  I did receive some training in sitting still for long periods and breathing second-hand smoke to prepare me for the fumes from the Olympic Flame. 

TIA:  I see.  What are your plans for the future? 

Li Tei:  On Friday I have an audition to be one of the Jingjing Panda mascots. 

TIA:  Well, good luck with that. 

Li Tei:  Thank you.  Competition this year is very fierce.  I have heard that Jack Nicholson wants to be a Nini swallow mascot.  Personally I don’t think he has the chops any more.