I am delighted to announce that Indefinite Article Consulting Group, a shady subsidiary of The Indefinite Article has been contracted by an Olympic Committee that shall remain nameless to provide expert coping strategies and training for its athletes in the upcoming Beijing Olympics.  Our patented acclimatization program includes but is not limited to the following modules:

·        Choosing the right training cigarette

·        Filter tips or untipped; stamina vs. intensity

·        Lighting up in a stiff breeze, Level I

·        Lighting up in a stiff breeze with your last match, Level II

·        Are 200 Marlboro enough for a marathon? 

·        An athlete’s guide to unventilated pool halls that still allow smoking

·        An athlete’s guide to oil refinery towns with poor air movement

·        Cycling behind trucks, a deep breathing guide

·        Cycling behind trucks while smoking (Recommended for 1500m runners)

·        Sitting in parked cars and smoking while supposed to be attending religious services (4 Person minimum)

I will be at our secret location in south Florida for the next few days to supervise the pre-ambientization of our training facility but will hopefully be able to reach this blog through the haze.

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