I really wish I was making this up.

According to NBC News, while pregnant women and children with respiratory problems are struggling to get access to scarce doses of the H1N1 vaccine, bankers at Goldman Sachs have been given a stockpile of 200 doses of the vaccine. That’s the same amount allotted to Lenox Hill Hospital in New York.¹

http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/h1n1_vaccine/

The Definitive  Indefinite Article is conducting an pilot program of unauthorized
content recontextualization 

The Critical Reader: You mean Plagarism?

TDIA:  That is an ugly word but in essence yes.  You can voice your criticisms via the reader poll below.  Anyway here is today’s pilot recontextualization:

The Virgin Mary has disputed claims that she will appear at the Knock Basilica on December 5th as she has a long-standing engagement to appear at the tree …

via Virgin Mary disputes claims she will play Knock on Dec 5th.

The Critical Reader: While entertaning and informative, this is still plagarism.

TDIA: Like I said, you can have your say below with the rest of them. As the Alabama congressman said to the Taliban: Vote early!  Vote often!

The Omnivorous Reader: I was reading  this morning that Treblikistan is building a huge statue of the Buddah.

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Startled] How did you get in here?

The Omnivorous Reader: You left the side gate open.  Anyways I was telling you about Treblikistan and the Buddah.

TDIA: You were.  And where did you read such a thing?

The Omnivorous Reader: I can’t remember.  It just popped out of the interweb while I was playing poker and shopping for a cast iron wok. 

TDIA: And why would they be doing such a thing? [Sotto voce]  Why do I even ask these questions?

The Omnivorous Reader: I think they were going to cover it with miniskirts and spandex bikinis and then blow it up.

TDIA: Is that so?  This is fascinating.  Are you sure you can’t remember where you found this?

The Omnivorous Reader: I think it might have been here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120028549&ft=1&f=1001

TDIA:  I see.  You remain a valueless source of information.

The Omnivorous Reader: You mean invaluable, don’t you?

TDIA: Lock the side gate on your way out.

Livy’s History of Rome:

Facturusne operae pretium sim si a primordio urbis res populi Romani perscripserim nec satis scio nec, si sciam, dicere ausim quippe qui cum

Dublin is the real winner of the maul to host the 2016 Olympics by not even preparing a bid.  All estimates in Euro.

The Appalled Reader:  You can’t be serious!

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Well, not entirely.  You can’t indiscriminately feed people to the rich.  You would need some kind of safety testing first.  Maybe something like an organic rating.  But that’s not the real point.  We want to hector you and let you know how important it is that people continue to get sick and go into backruptcy because they can’t pay their medical bills.

The Appalled Reader:  Who let you in here?  Where’s the owner?

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Let’s not get mired in who broke into whose blog or who hit whom with a sock of marbles and tied them up in the basement.  This is about patriotism.  This about God-fearing people defending their country from the onslaught of socialistic anarcho-syndicalism disguised as providing healthcare.  

The Appalled Reader: Socialistic anarcho-syndicalism? You know that’s meaningless.

The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania:  Of course it seems meaningless to you. You’re part of the Meaning-based Community. You think about elitist dictionary meanings of words.  Real patriots like us know in our hearts what words mean.  If this country interferes with the sickness industry we will be one step closer to a socialistic anarcho-syndicalist crypto Darwinian nightmare.  How can drug companies be expected to survive off the profits they make?  They can barely make ends meet.  They have to put up with government interference: big Fed funding all the drug research and development, compliant regulators constantly looking for jobs.  You have no idea how hard it is for a heartless corporation to make an honest buck today.  Who can blame them if they have to resort to misinformation, scaremongering and propaganda.  What wouldn’t you do to save your shareholders and the value of your stock options.  Will someone please think of the stock options!?!  You don’t understand how close we are to drive-thru abortion clinics!  More euthanasia death rays in space!  Mandatory homosexuality camps!  Bleeding heart liberals clicking links like this

http://www.americacantwait.com/

wanting poor people to be able to see a doctor when God has already decided that they should die in pain and penury.  Trying to interfere with the inalienable right to exploit your weaker fellow man for fun and profit.  Accusing the undustry of manipulating the debate in stories like this  http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/oct/01/lobbyists-millions-obama-healthcare-reform

Partisan ideaologically motivated fabrication…

[Sound of basement door opening]

 The Definitive Indefinite Article:  Get out of my house you hateful shitbag!

1. One medium piece of fresh roadkill.  Possum for preference.  If not available two plump stoats or a half a dozen moderately fed voles will do

2. Two and a half duck eggs

3. 16 Heads of garlic, peeled, minced and soaked overnight in kerosene

4. 4 cups breadcrumbs 

5. One cup buttermilk

Pre-heat the oven to 755 degrees Kelvin

Wash and pat dry road kill.  DO NOT skin.

Beat the roadkill vigorously with a spandex bikini top.  Then dip the roadkill in the buttermilk and dredge in the breadcrumbs.  Fry the eggs and place in roadkill’s mouth.  Place roadkill in roasting dish and sprinkle with garlic.  Roast in oven turning once.  8 minutes per pound and 15 minutes for the roasting dish for medium rare.  Serve over a bed of unwashed celeriac.  Best accompanied with a glass of hot cream sherry or room-temperature chardonnay.

Serves 8

Many of you, well the dozen or so of you who were here when we launched the erstwhile Indefinite Article (if you want to read about the ugliness with The Indefinite Particle you can click here), will remember our fantastically famous and successful Olympic Training Regimen.

The Inquisitive Reader: What are you offering this time?  More lessons on how to smoke cigarettes? 

TDIA: No, no, no.  This time we will going into partnership with  The Instituto De Mascotas Jorobadas in Cadiz to help players prepare for the trauma of photo ops with out-of-work actors wearing stifling leopard suits.

The Inquisitive Reader: That’s it?

TDIA: Well, that and how to put up with the continuous noise of annoying plastic horns.

The Inquisitive Reader: I see.  And how do you propose to do this?

TDIA: Intensive  Patrick’s Day festival exposure in Dublin next year.

The Inquisitive Reader: And the trumpets?

TDIA: Have you ever been to Dublin for Patrick’s Day?

The Inquisitive Reader: I have not.

TDIA: I rest my case.