Taking Steps
Due to overwhelming last-minute demand for our smoking tutorials in the lead up to the Olympics, the Definitive Indefinite Article will be on temporary hiatus for…
The Ever-more Familiar Reader: What are you talking about?
The Definitive Indefinite Article: Our smoking tutorials for Olympians. Don’t you remember?
The Ever-more Familiar Reader: Vaguely. Something about smoking 100 smokes while running a marathon, was it?
The Definitive Indefinite Article: Sort of. Look, I don’t have time to remind you of it all. You can read about it here, here, here and here. I have to go. Can you feed the cat?
The Ever-more Familiar Reader: No problem. The cat food is…?
The Definitive Indefinite Article: In the fridge. Behind the slippers.
The Ever-more Familiar Reader: Fair enough. Let me know when you’re coming back.
The Definitive Indefinite Article: Don’t forget to water the geranium.
The Ever-more Familiar Reader: Drive safely!
July 29, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Dear Kevin,
Please teach me how to smoke. I have recently made the US Pole-Vault/Wrestling Hybrid team and need to begin training immediately.
JT
July 30, 2008 at 10:08 am
With my unbridled lunch capacity, leaving me off the 3000 meter team for Beijing was a mistake. I demand that you speak to the Olympic Committee at once.
July 30, 2008 at 10:54 am
Esteemed Jeff Towers: thank you for your interest in our program. Currently we have two spots open in our Tuscon facility. If you would like to reserve one of these spots, please forward us your bank account number, routing number, you date of birth, your mother’s maiden name and your social security number so we may withdraw the small reservation fee directly from your bank.
July 30, 2008 at 10:58 am
Esteemed Nick: thank you for your interest. All lines at the Olympic committee are currenlty busy. If you would like to make a dodgy franchising deal press 1, for land speculation inquiries press 2, for construction overruns and budgetary anomalies press 3 for all other inquiries please hold…….With your unbridled lunch capacity I suggest that you abandon your 3000 meter aspirations and set your sights on the team bobsled/suckling pig combination event at the next Winter Olympics. All lines at the Olympic committee are currenlty busy. If you would like to make a dodgy franchising deal press 1, for land speculation inquiries press 2, for construction overruns and budgetary anomalies press 3 for all other inquiries please hold…….
August 1, 2008 at 11:07 am
[...] No one home. [Sits at keyboard. Addresses self to screen] Seeing as himself is away teaching athletes how to smoke and he left me the keys to feed the cat I thought we might all have a little chat. I know, I know [...]