It has come to our attention that many are seeking the secret of immorta…
The Astute Reader: Hang on a second! What this “The Definitive Indefinite Article” stuff? Where’d Definitive come from? Why the name change?
TDIA: We received a “notice to take down” and had to change it.
The Astute Reader: From whom?
TDIA: The Indefinite Particle.
The Astute Reader: And that would be….?
TDIA: Apparently some kind of super secret particle accelerator even bigger than the CERN particle accelerator.
The Astute Reader: The one that people think might make mini black holes and suck the world into oblivion?
TDIA: Yes. People think that about CERN but The Indefinite Particle has in fact threatened to make a black hole unless we change our name. They are getting too many of our readers on their website. On advice from Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitxi, Spaider LLC we have decided to comply.
The Astute Reader: Do you think they would really make a black hole?
TDIA: Apparently they already have.
The Astute Reader: They what?!?!
TDIA: Remember Rafaella Marconi?
The Astute Reader: The celebrity fascist who may or may not exist?
TDIA: That’s the one. Well, Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitxi, Spaider have discovered that her existence is in fact a strangelet-related liminal existence phenomenon created by The Indefinite Particle. The Indefinite Particle rammed her alleged existence through a tiny black hole and into a singularity field and now she keeps coming in and out of existence as a quantum celebrity fascist.
The Astute Reader: It would seem The Indefinite Particle is not an entity to be trifled with.
TDIA: It is not.
The Astute Reader: So what were you saying about the secret of immortality.
TDIA: Oh yes, we have recently discovered a….
The Astute Reader: Oh wait. Have to go! Here’s me boss!
TDIA: Remind me to tell you the secret of immortality next time you come in!
April 11, 2008 at 9:13 pm
THIS IS A SUMMONS FROM THE DEFINITIVE ARTICLE OF FAITH, LLC. CEASE AND DESIST WITH THE USE OF “TDIA” AS TITLE. OUR ORGANIZATION REPRESENTS EIGHT MEGACHURCHES OUTSIDE OF COLORADO SPRINGS, CO. AND WE HAVE AN ARMY OF PR REPS AND METH DEALERS AT OUR DISPOSAL. YOU REALLY DON’T WANT TO MESS WITH US. PLEASE DIRECT ANY RESPONSE OTHER THAN COMPLETE COMPLIANCE TO OUR NEW YORK OFFICE C/O DEWEY, CHEATHAM AND HOWE, LLC.
April 12, 2008 at 1:30 pm
Per Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitxi, Spaider LLC, “TDIA” is not a registered abbreviation of The Definitive Article of Faith LLC and that TDAF as it is known is currently being investigated for making vague threats involving crystal meth. Please be advised that we will be ignoring your summons, your threats, your megachurches and your gratuitous use of capital letters.
Respectfully,
TDIA
April 12, 2008 at 6:07 pm
This name change will prove terrible for the status of your brand…
April 13, 2008 at 1:18 am
Esteemed Nick: 9 Out of 11 Cats have been scratch tested on our new brand. All 9 of them (100
%) were 100% unsure what out new brand stood for. All 100% were unsure what our baseline OLD brand stood for. Marketing-positioning-branding-old-vs-new-vs-potential-growthwise this is a 300% success rate when adjusted for Greenwich Meantime.
April 14, 2008 at 2:45 pm
[...] tribulations of Rafaella Marconi will be saddened to learn that an interstitial singularity flux at The Indefinite Particle has caused Ms. Marconi to slip through the Melborn Planck vortex and definitively out of [...]
April 15, 2008 at 10:14 am
[...] on April 15, 2008. Sources at Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitxi, Spaider LLC inform us that The Indefinite Particle particle accelerator has entered into negotiations with the International Olympic committee to [...]
April 29, 2008 at 9:13 am
[...] have received news from a colleague at The Indefinite Particle particle accelerator that the US Republican vice presidential candidate could be Condoleezza [...]
September 17, 2008 at 9:50 am
[...] Donosti, Esq: As senior partner of Donosti, Goikochea, Itxibitxi, Spaider and acting Power of Attorney for The Definitive Indefinite Article during its continuing [...]
September 10, 2009 at 10:19 pm
[...] Article (if you want to read about the ugliness with The Indefinite Particle you can click here), will remember our fantastically famous and successful Olympic Training [...]