November 5, 2009
I really wish I was making this up.
According to NBC News, while pregnant women and children with respiratory problems are struggling to get access to scarce doses of the H1N1 vaccine, bankers at Goldman Sachs have been given a stockpile of 200 doses of the vaccine. That’s the same amount allotted to Lenox Hill Hospital in New York.1
November 5, 2009
The Definitive Indefinite Article is conducting an pilot program of unauthorized
content recontextualization
The Critical Reader: You mean Plagarism?
TDIA: That is an ugly word but in essence yes. You can voice your criticisms via the reader poll below. Anyway here is today’s pilot recontextualization:
The Virgin Mary has disputed claims that she will appear at the Knock Basilica on December 5th as she has a long-standing engagement to appear at the tree …
via Virgin Mary disputes claims she will play Knock on Dec 5th.
The Critical Reader: While entertaning and informative, this is still plagarism.
TDIA: Like I said, you can have your say below with the rest of them. As the Alabama congressman said to the Taliban: Vote early! Vote often!
November 3, 2009
The Omnivorous Reader: I was reading this morning that Treblikistan is building a huge statue of the Buddah.
The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Startled] How did you get in here?
The Omnivorous Reader: You left the side gate open. Anyways I was telling you about Treblikistan and the Buddah.
TDIA: You were. And where did you read such a thing?
The Omnivorous Reader: I can’t remember. It just popped out of the interweb while I was playing poker and shopping for a cast iron wok.
TDIA: And why would they be doing such a thing? [Sotto voce] Why do I even ask these questions?
The Omnivorous Reader: I think they were going to cover it with miniskirts and spandex bikinis and then blow it up.
TDIA: Is that so? This is fascinating. Are you sure you can’t remember where you found this?
The Omnivorous Reader: I think it might have been here:
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120028549&ft=1&f=1001
TDIA: I see. You remain a valueless source of information.
The Omnivorous Reader: You mean invaluable, don’t you?
TDIA: Lock the side gate on your way out.
November 2, 2009
Livy’s History of Rome:
Facturusne operae pretium sim si a primordio urbis res populi Romani perscripserim nec satis scio nec, si sciam, dicere ausim quippe qui cum
October 15, 2009
October 6, 2009
Dublin is the real winner of the maul to host the 2016 Olympics by not even preparing a bid. All estimates in Euro.
| Item | Savings |
| Powerpoint consultants for bid | 380,000 € |
| Hair and Makeup for bid team | 15,000 € |
| Transport to Copenhagen | 25,000 € |
| Presentation video | 18,000 € |
| Preliminary mascot designs | 487,879,955,623 € |
| Bid logo design | 1,500,265 € |
| Stadium Design | 1,788,945,625 € |
| Olympic Village Buiding | 2,157,879,456 € |
| Olympic Village Repurpose Planning | 5,458,549 € |
| Eventual Olympic Village Demolition | 4,549,816 € |
| Police Overtime | 4,554,788,554 € |
| Loss of GDP through absenteeism | 45,487,887 € |
| Accounting fees | 45,458,825 € |
| Special Accounting fees (Attempting to show profit to host city) |
11,885,656 € |
| Total Savings | 496,496,348,256 € |
October 1, 2009
The Appalled Reader: You can’t be serious!
The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania: Well, not entirely. You can’t indiscriminately feed people to the rich. You would need some kind of safety testing first. Maybe something like an organic rating. But that’s not the real point. We want to hector you and let you know how important it is that people continue to get sick and go into backruptcy because they can’t pay their medical bills.
The Appalled Reader: Who let you in here? Where’s the owner?
The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania: Let’s not get mired in who broke into whose blog or who hit whom with a sock of marbles and tied them up in the basement. This is about patriotism. This about God-fearing people defending their country from the onslaught of socialistic anarcho-syndicalism disguised as providing healthcare.
The Appalled Reader: Socialistic anarcho-syndicalism? You know that’s meaningless.
The Acceptable Face of Right –Wing Mania: Of course it seems meaningless to you. You’re part of the Meaning-based Community. You think about elitist dictionary meanings of words. Real patriots like us know in our hearts what words mean. If this country interferes with the sickness industry we will be one step closer to a socialistic anarcho-syndicalist crypto Darwinian nightmare. How can drug companies be expected to survive off the profits they make? They can barely make ends meet. They have to put up with government interference: big Fed funding all the drug research and development, compliant regulators constantly looking for jobs. You have no idea how hard it is for a heartless corporation to make an honest buck today. Who can blame them if they have to resort to misinformation, scaremongering and propaganda. What wouldn’t you do to save your shareholders and the value of your stock options. Will someone please think of the stock options!?! You don’t understand how close we are to drive-thru abortion clinics! More euthanasia death rays in space! Mandatory homosexuality camps! Bleeding heart liberals clicking links like this
http://www.americacantwait.com/
wanting poor people to be able to see a doctor when God has already decided that they should die in pain and penury. Trying to interfere with the inalienable right to exploit your weaker fellow man for fun and profit. Accusing the undustry of manipulating the debate in stories like this http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/oct/01/lobbyists-millions-obama-healthcare-reform
Partisan ideaologically motivated fabrication…
[Sound of basement door opening]
The Definitive Indefinite Article: Get out of my house you hateful shitbag!
September 29, 2009
1. One medium piece of fresh roadkill. Possum for preference. If not available two plump stoats or a half a dozen moderately fed voles will do
2. Two and a half duck eggs
3. 16 Heads of garlic, peeled, minced and soaked overnight in kerosene
4. 4 cups breadcrumbs
5. One cup buttermilk
Pre-heat the oven to 755 degrees Kelvin
Wash and pat dry road kill. DO NOT skin.
Beat the roadkill vigorously with a spandex bikini top. Then dip the roadkill in the buttermilk and dredge in the breadcrumbs. Fry the eggs and place in roadkill’s mouth. Place roadkill in roasting dish and sprinkle with garlic. Roast in oven turning once. 8 minutes per pound and 15 minutes for the roasting dish for medium rare. Serve over a bed of unwashed celeriac. Best accompanied with a glass of hot cream sherry or room-temperature chardonnay.
Serves 8
September 10, 2009
Many of you, well the dozen or so of you who were here when we launched the erstwhile Indefinite Article (if you want to read about the ugliness with The Indefinite Particle you can click here), will remember our fantastically famous and successful Olympic Training Regimen.
The Inquisitive Reader: What are you offering this time? More lessons on how to smoke cigarettes?
TDIA: No, no, no. This time we will going into partnership with The Instituto De Mascotas Jorobadas in Cadiz to help players prepare for the trauma of photo ops with out-of-work actors wearing stifling leopard suits.
The Inquisitive Reader: That’s it?
TDIA: Well, that and how to put up with the continuous noise of annoying plastic horns.
The Inquisitive Reader: I see. And how do you propose to do this?
TDIA: Intensive Patrick’s Day festival exposure in Dublin next year.
The Inquisitive Reader: And the trumpets?
TDIA: Have you ever been to Dublin for Patrick’s Day?
The Inquisitive Reader: I have not.
TDIA: I rest my case.
August 20, 2009
Hearty grains from hard-hearted Capitalists? Social Darwinism, the healthy option? Survival of the fittest prescribed by reactionary CEOs? If you still have any money left to buy things with you can choose where to spend it.
You can read what Whole Foods CEO Mackey wrote trashing President Obama’s healthcare proposals (particularly children’s healthcare):
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970204251404574342170072865070.html
Some people have started to boycott them.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/ben-wyskida/why-im-done-with-whole-fo_b_259716.html
Some people wouldn’t be got dead in one of their stores cos they are anti-union and some people don’t give a toss. It’s a funny old world where you can care more about where your avocado came from and how it was treated than the people who grew, picked, packed or shelved it.
August 17, 2009
No more reader-generated content here! I’m back a only few days from months of mind-numbing koans and meditations and cognac drinking in pursuit of enlightenment and I find that after subtly removing AIG from this building as I had previously observed
they have even more subtly renamed themselves CHARTIS. At least it’s subtle on the outside where it’s diecreetly etched onto the revolving doors. On the inside of the lobby big banners announce to employees and visitiors the new branding of CHARTIS.
The Earnest Reader: Sorry we missed that.
TDIA: Yeah well. It’ll be a while before I let any of you in here on your own to write anything.
The Earnest Reader: We’ll make it up to you. [Pause]What did you say they were called again?
TDIA: Chartis.
The Earnest Reader: Doesn’t really stick with you, does it? Kind of forgettable.
TDIA: Precisely.
The Earnest Reader: Weird. [Puzzled pensive pause]And what do you call that cigarette company? Altruism?
TDIA: You mean Altria that used to be Phillip Morris?
The Earnest Reader: Yep, that’s the one! Funny how they picked such a forgettable name too.
TDIA: Just click on the link and stop being so obtuse!
http://www.igorinternational.com/blog/2009/07/chartis-helps-aig-hide-in-plain-sight/
The Earnest Reader: [Mouse click. Pause] Ahhh, now I get it!
August 13, 2009
That’s it? I’ve been gone since the middle of May and this is all you lot have to show for yourselves? Twiterature? I gave you Hedgeer Hemlien and Bigote of Barcelona and you only got one post out of it? ipuke? That’s all you could manage while I was away?
[Silence]
I know you’re all hiding in here somewhere!
The Casual Reader: [Emerging from the conservatory] Uhm, I have to be on my way. I promised me mother I’d pick her up from the racetrack.
TDIA: Well you were no use at all while I was gone. And since when do we have a conservatory?
The Casual Reader: Uhm, it used to the the greenhosue but we rebranded.
TDIA: How fabulous! Where are the rest of them?
The Casual Reader: Well the Apostate Reader got a sumer job in a cannery in Finland to get money for a Canon Lawyer to get his excommunication going again, The Earnest Reader is in Myrtle Beach with three Cuban ballerinas in spandex bikinis and a duffel bag with $80,ooo in 20’s, and The Concerned Reader is hiding in the basement hoping you will let him live there for a while until he can figure out how to get out of the country without his wife finding him.
TDIA: He can stay down there.
The Casual Reader: So the whole monk thing…?
TDIA: Not really right for someone as deeply superficial as I.
July 24, 2009
Dateline: Marseille 2009-07-23-16:34
Unpaid TDIA Correspondent: I am sitting here typing extra loud over the sound of helicopters attempting to put out the wildfires around Marseille started by the French Foreign Legion having shelling practice in tinder-dry scrubland. Sources close to the Mnistry of Defence have said that this incident has caused them to suspend their blindfold tank training on the Rue de Rivoli scheduled for next Tuesday.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/jul/23/french-foreign-legion-wildfire
July 21, 2009
Apparently Dublin taxis have added wi-fi
http://komplettie.wordpress.com/2009/07/10/dublin-taxis-add-wi-fi/
This will allow unlimited browsing of the interweb and probably draw to a close an era of conversations such as this:
Punter: Sandymount DART Station please.
Taxista: Game ball.
Punter: Busy?
Taxista: Fair to middling, know what I mean? It’s all these bleeding plates they gev out. There’s just too many taxis on the road now. I was up in the kesh at the airport yesterday for two hours and then got a fare to Santry. I mean, what’s the point.
Punter: True for you.
Taxista: Mate of mine was at the Writers’ Museum last Tuesday week and picked up this baldy fellah. got chattin to him. You know who it was? General Franco’s grandson. Would you credit that?
Punter: That’s something all right.
Taxista: Ironic is what I would say. You know what I mean? What with them after putting Garcia Lorca in a ditch and all.
Punter: Right.
Taxista: I was reading only the other day that the Franco family were descended from Cathars. Did you know that? Interesting thing about Cathars is…….
Punter: You can let me out here, I’ll walk the rest of the way.
Taxista: But it’s raining hydrochloric acid and we’re eight miles from Sandymount.
Punter: No bother, I have me anorak. Bye.
