Thanksgiving Day Puzzle

Q: How do you say “Happy Thanksgiving” in Massachuset?

A:

 

Gangsters less likely to be shot when using public transport

From our friends at The Mire comes this gem:

Gardai say gangsters less likely to be shot when using public transport.

Note: Gardai: The Guards; The Law; The Pigs;

 

Le Magyar Nouveau est arrivé!

TDIA is gutted to announce that it will not be doing its usual Beaujolais Nouveau tastings this year.  Irish people and partisans of the Aungier Street and Cuffee Street factions across the globe have been celebrating exclusively with Beaujolais nouveau since Thierry Henry won both the coveted Order of the Shiny Tracksuits Sportsman of the Year Award (Aungier Street) and the less coveted but nonetheless prestigious Order of the Shiny Tracksuits Sportsman of the Decade Award (Cuffe Street) for his exemplary showing in the France vs Ireland World Cup qualifier match.  

So we are instead we are doing what many others are and turning out eyes Hungaryward thanks to the pointers of our in-house sommelier Dr. Pol De Paor.

http://www.bluedanubewine.com/wines/hungary/

 

Thierry Henry wins Sportsman of the Decade and Sparks Sectarian War

In a shocking new twist to the Thierry Henry handball conroversy, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Cuffe  Street), the mostly Thomist rival to the Cartesian Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) has awarded Thierry Henry its Sportsman of the Decade award.  Said Damien Scully, a spokesman for the Cuffe Street branch: “We think that the Aungier Street award was really a back-handed insult.  An achievement like Henry’s only comes along maybe once in a lifetime andshould be honoured lke that.  There is no sign of the FAI honouring him any time soon,” he added in reference to the Football Association of Ireland’s puzzling stance on the controversy.

 

Thierry Henry Wins Sportsman of the Year TWICE!

TDIA: In honour of this fantastic double-handball we are posting this twice.

AN EXCLUSIVE REPORT FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER THE SPORTING READER

For this fantastic display of sportsmanship, integrity, honesty and sheer Tai Chi-like fluidity of hand movement, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) awarded its Sportsman of the Year award to Thierry Henry.  The award comes with a full year’s subscription to Cheating Bollocks magazine and a large bronze plaque that says “Ta mere!”

At least by this “leger de main” if you will, the world was spared the embarrassing spectacle of FIFI President Sepp Blatter walking onto the field to hand the referee an envelope stuffed with Euros to make sure that France qualified at all costs as many feared would happen when the game went into extra time.  Why FIFA (Federation for the Insertion of France into Africa) would be prepared to go to such extremes to get this mediocre team to South Africa is anyone’s guess.  Cynics might say it is all about TV rights but we all know it is all for the sport, right?

 

Thierry Henry Wins Sportsman of the Year

AN EXCLUSIVE REPORT FROM OUR ROVING REPORTER THE SPORTING READER

For this fantastic display of sportsmanship, integrity, honesty and sheer Tai Chi-like fluidity of hand movement, the Order of the Shiny Tracksuit (Aungier Street) awarded its Sportsman of the Year award to Thierry Henry.  The award comes with a full year’s subscription to Cheating Bollocks magazine and a large bronze plaque that says “Ta mere!”

At least by this “leger de main” if you will, the world was spared the embarrassing spectacle of FIFI President Sepp Blatter walking onto the field to hand the referee an envelope stuffed with Euros to make sure that France qualified at all costs as many feared would happen when the game went into extra time.  Why FIFA (Federation for the Insertion of France into Africa) would be prepared to go to such extremes to get this mediocre team to South Africa is anyone’s guess.  Cynics might say it is all about TV rights but we all know it is all for the sport, right?

 

What’s in your dietary supplement?

Shock!  Horror!  Disbelief!  Oh my God! How could this be? A “dietary supplement” called RockHard Weekend is found to contain undeclared erectile dysfuntion drugs?   I suppose Dr. Boner O’Hardon’s Tumescent Hair Oil or will be next.  Can we trust nobody?

RockHard Laboratories Issues a Voluntary Nationwide Recall of Specific Lots of RockHard Weekend marketed as Dietary Supplement
Tue, 17 Nov 2009 14:59:00 -0600

RockHard Laboratories announced today that it is conducting a voluntary nationwide recall of the company’s dietary supplement sold under the name RockHard Weekend (RHW) specific to the following Lot Numbers: Blister Pack: T12 705 08 (exp: 10/11) / T12 705 09 (exp: 3/12, 8/12) 3ct Bottle: R417 0509 (exp: 09/12) 8ct Bottle: T237-0509 (exp: 06/12) RockHard Laboratories is conducting a voluntary recall after being informed by the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) that voluntary lab analysis found that RHW, specific to the above lot numbers, contains sulfoaildenfil, an analogue of Sildenfil, an FDA-approved drug used as treatment for male Erectile Dysfunction (ED) making RockHard Weekend an unapproved drug. The active drug ingredient is not listed on the product label.

Firm Press Release: FDA posts press releases and other notices of recalls and market withdrawals from the firms involved as a service to consumers, the media, and other interested parties. FDA does not endorse either the product or the company.

 

AIG Makeover

New entry for our Acronyms, Appelations and Aphorisms for our trouble age section:

CHARTIS: Cunning How AIG Reinvents and Tarts Itself Shamelessly

Past entries such as AIG – America’s Insolvent Giant may be reviewed here:

http://box3.wordpress.com/acronyms-appellations-and-aphorisms-for-our-troubled-age/

 

So how’s that plagiarism thing workin out for ya?

The Scary Reader: So how’s that plagiarism thing workin’ out for ya? (Click Here for Sample of Alleged Plagiarism)

The Definitive Indefinite Article: Who are …?

The Scary Reader: Nice blog ya got here.  Ya own?  Rent?  [Makes weird leaning too close movement and pupils dilate alarmingly]

TDIA: Uhm, it’s free.  You just sign up and..

The Scary Reader: YOU GET A LOTTA READERS IN HERE?

TDIA: A few.

The Scary Reader: You must need a lot to pay for this place.  Lots of space.  Nice stuff.  Is this Waterford Crystal?

TDIA: Uhm, no, that is a milk carton.

The Scary Reader: Yeah so anyways.  I got tied up.

TDIA: What?

The Scary Reader: I’m here to do the thing to the sink.

TDIA: What?!?!?!?!

The Scary Reader: Yeah.  You called for a plumber to fix a sink?

TDIA: Two weeks ago!  You called Monday two weeks ago and and you were on your way.  I gave up.

The Scary Reader: Well no one told me that you had gave up so I come here to do that job.

TDIA: I don’t need it done. I got someone else.

The Scary Reader: I am very sorry to hear that.  [Sound of milk carton dropping on floor]  Ooops, clumsy me!  Did I accidentally drop that priceless piece of Waterford Crystal?  Nice menu bar you got up there.  Shame if something was to happen to it.   [Cell phone rings] Yeah!  What?  No I told him eight and a quarter.  There’s a whole bifrucal flange separator that has to come out.  [Listens.  Furious.]  FLANGE SEPARATOR!  Fugeddaboudit!  I’m on my way.. Yeah, Yeah.  I’ll call him.

TDIA:  You need to…..

The Scary Reader:  Listen I gotta go do this urgent job.  The guy that was supposed to do it got into a thing on another job and then called to cancel but called the wrong number and canceled my job so I’ll be back tomorrow.  First thing.  My best guys.  Promise.

TDIA:  Don’t  worry about it it’s all taken care of.  I had a not scary plumber come and fix it.

The Scary Reader: LIKE I SAY I’LL BE BACK HERE TOMORROW!!!  FIRST THING!!!  9,  10:15  LATEST.

 

Pigs at the Trough Afraid of Swine Flu?

I really wish I was making this up.

According to NBC News, while pregnant women and children with respiratory problems are struggling to get access to scarce doses of the H1N1 vaccine, bankers at Goldman Sachs have been given a stockpile of 200 doses of the vaccine. That’s the same amount allotted to Lenox Hill Hospital in New York.¹

http://act.credoaction.com/campaign/h1n1_vaccine/

 

Virgin Mary disputes claims she will play Knock on Dec 5th

The Definitive  Indefinite Article is conducting an pilot program of unauthorized
content recontextualization 

The Critical Reader: You mean Plagarism?

TDIA:  That is an ugly word but in essence yes.  You can voice your criticisms via the reader poll below.  Anyway here is today’s pilot recontextualization:

The Virgin Mary has disputed claims that she will appear at the Knock Basilica on December 5th as she has a long-standing engagement to appear at the tree …

via Virgin Mary disputes claims she will play Knock on Dec 5th.

The Critical Reader: While entertaning and informative, this is still plagarism.

TDIA: Like I said, you can have your say below with the rest of them. As the Alabama congressman said to the Taliban: Vote early!  Vote often!

 

Treblikistan’s Great Leap Forward

The Omnivorous Reader: I was reading  this morning that Treblikistan is building a huge statue of the Buddah.

The Definitive Indefinite Article: [Startled] How did you get in here?

The Omnivorous Reader: You left the side gate open.  Anyways I was telling you about Treblikistan and the Buddah.

TDIA: You were.  And where did you read such a thing?

The Omnivorous Reader: I can’t remember.  It just popped out of the interweb while I was playing poker and shopping for a cast iron wok. 

TDIA: And why would they be doing such a thing? [Sotto voce]  Why do I even ask these questions?

The Omnivorous Reader: I think they were going to cover it with miniskirts and spandex bikinis and then blow it up.

TDIA: Is that so?  This is fascinating.  Are you sure you can’t remember where you found this?

The Omnivorous Reader: I think it might have been here:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=120028549&ft=1&f=1001

TDIA:  I see.  You remain a valueless source of information.

The Omnivorous Reader: You mean invaluable, don’t you?

TDIA: Lock the side gate on your way out.

 

Classical Twiterature!!

Livy’s History of Rome:

Facturusne operae pretium sim si a primordio urbis res populi Romani perscripserim nec satis scio nec, si sciam, dicere ausim quippe qui cum

 

Oxymoron of the Week

 

Too big to…????